


sweet dreams (are made of these)

by KayCeeCruz



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 08:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16155443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayCeeCruz/pseuds/KayCeeCruz
Summary: After a tragic accident, Robert’s left in a coma. While his loved ones fight to keep him alive, Robert sinks into a world of dreams. When he wakes up, he is confused about what life is real and all he wants is to have his husband by his side.Something’s wrong.Chrissie hugs him tightly, kisses his head and Robert’s pushing at her, shoves at her shoulder to get her to let him go. His strength is weak but Chrissie senses his distress, moves away, frowning, tears on her cheeks.“Robert?”He shakes his head. He is having trouble breathing and Andy moves closer, grips his hand. “Rob, it’s okay. It’s okay.”But it’s not. It isn’t. He needs his husband.He looks at his brother, his throat working to get the words loose. “Whe- I need -”“Take your time, Robert.”His gaze flickers to Chrissie, standing at his side, a look on her face he doesn’t understand.He pushes each word out until they make sense.“…where..is..Aaron?”





	sweet dreams (are made of these)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much to my artist, Marie! She had to work under terrible circumstances with me due to Hurricane Florence almost making this impossible! Please give her all the love in the world for her amazing art: https://iamarobronniffler.tumblr.com/post/178638155400/emmerdale-big-bang-round-2-sweet-dreams-are#_=_
> 
> Emmerdale Big Bang Round 2!

_ sweet dreams (are made of these) _

  
  


_ “Please don’t get married.”  _

 

Robert strides across the barn floor, creaks sounding loud in the silence of the room. He needs to go. Chrissie is waiting. 

 

“Fuck.” 

 

He can’t believe Aaron is doing this to him. He pulls at the sleeve of his suit jacket, tries to keep his hands from shaking more than they are. 

This was not part of the plan. 

 

_ “Do you really think I’m about to stand here and watch you make the biggest mistake of your life?” _

 

It wasn’t a mistake. He loved Chrissie. He loves her. Marrying her fulfilled that promise he’d made to himself at nineteen, when he had nothing and noone, when the people that loved him left him on his own, he knows that’s true. 

 

But he loved her for other reasons. She was smart and gorgeous and fierce. He needs her to feel a part of something. He understands his role in Chrissie’s life. He knows what she expects from him. 

 

_ “Because I love you. That’s why.” _

 

He closes his eyes as the words Aaron said to him whirl in his mind over and over. Aaron can’t love him. It’s not possible. He wasn’t the kind of person that Aaron should love. 

 

Aaron was a good man. 

 

Robert’s anger rises inside his chest and he kicks at a nearby crate, wants to punch the walls in, make everything around him fall apart, to look like he feels. 

 

_ “And I think you feel the same.”  _

 

He didn’t. He did not love Aaron Dingle. His chest constricts more and he can’t breath. 

 

None of this was part of his plan. He hadn’t meant to find Aaron. He hadn’t meant to care.

 

Aaron was a reminder of all the things Robert was forced to leave behind. He was a part of the life he’d been running away from his entire life. He didn’t love Aaron. He couldn’t. 

 

_ But you can’t walk away.  _

 

Robert can’t breathe. He remembers this feeling. He hasn’t had a panic attack in years. Not since he first reached London and had to find a way to survive. 

 

Voices drift from the outside. One is Aaron and the other - he isn’t sure but - it sounds like Katie. He moves toward the rafters, looks out through the slits and sees them there - arguing. Robert freezes, one hand on his tie, attempting to loosen the knot so he can take in more air, the other in his hair, pulling at the strands. 

 

Katie was there. 

 

Aaron had --

 

He’d brought Katie there. 

 

Aaron had set this all up. The things he’d said...it was a lie to give Katie all the evidence she needed to bury him. 

 

Robert’s eyes burn, sadness and betrayal clogging his throat further. He can’t be here.

 

He needs to go. 

 

He turns in circles, can’t find the exit, and rushes forward blindly. 

 

He just needs to go. 

 

Robert doesn’t see the bottle on the floor. 

 

He slips, throws his hands out to brace for the fall...something gives underneath him, splinters and breaks. He keeps falling. Robert doesn’t have time to think, just sees the ground rushing up at him, tries to turn and grab purchase of something...anything…

 

There’s nothing but air and his mouth forms Aaron’s name, knows he is just outside,  that what has happened he’d help Robert. It comes out a scream instead and Robert thinks he won’t be able to…

 

Then, there’s agonizing pain for a second.

 

After though, there’s only the dark and the silence. 

 

\-- -- -- 

 

Aaron shivers against the cold, his heart heavy and all he wants to do is not feel anything. He wants to be numb. 

 

_ This isn’t a love story.  _

 

He didn’t know what he had been thinking. Robert didn’t care about anyone but Robert. Aaron thinks about the small moments - Robert comforting him, Robert kissing the top of his head as they lay in bed, Robert kicking him awake during the night. He thought Robert had loved him. That he was scared for everyone to know the truth.

 

Aaron hears Katie as she rides up before he sees her. 

 

Robert is scared. 

 

This is what he needs, Aaron knows it. He remembers what it was like to deny who you were. How far he’d gone. How scared he’d been. 

 

He knew what it felt like to be free, too. 

 

This isn’t a love story.

 

There’s an echo of hoofs in the distance, they get closer, and Aaron knows what he has to do. Katie is late but he can get Robert to admit everything. He still has time, and he wants Robert to be free. 

 

Katie rides up to the barn, and Aaron meets her at the end of the path. 

 

“Where have you been?” 

 

She gives him a dirty look and he almost rethinks it all. She hates Robert and Aaron isn’t even sure what the reason for that is. “I’ve had to make an excuse with Andy, haven’t I?” 

 

Katie reaches into the bag on her horse’s saddle, pulls out a camera and Aaron’s heart pounds. He can’t be a coward now.  She turns to him, eyes eager for what he is going to show her. “Where are they?”

 

“Robert is up-”

 

The sound is like a bomb going off, loud and echoing. Aaron turns toward the barn, his heart sinks to his stomach and all he think, all he can say is “Robert.” 

 

He runs, feels Katie on his heels, and runs up where he knows Robert was. He can’t see in the dark, eyes having to adjust. There’s dust everywhere but he can make out the hole in the middle of the loft’s floor. He edges closer and his blood runs cold as he stares down at Robert. 

 

Katie is at his side, her eyes open in horror, one hand on her mouth. Aaron ignores her soft, “Oh my god” and turns, runs down the stairs and into the room below. 

 

No no no no no. 

 

Robert’s body is at an odd angle, one leg bent strangely at the knee. His eyes are only slightly open, and Aaron can hear the shallow breaths he is taking. He fumbles with his jacket, takes it off and lays gently over Robert. 

 

He needs to keep him warm. 

 

“Robert, can you hear me?” 

 

Aaron doesn’t recognize his own voice. It trembles, shaking like his hands as they reach for Robert’s face. “No...Robert, please no.”

 

“Don’t touch him, Aaron.” Katie stands behind him, her mobile to her ear and Aaron can’t...he can’t not touch.

 

“Robert, please...please, don’t.” Robert’s eyes flutter for a moment, his breath coming in quiet pants. Aaron thinks he’ll be fine. Everything will be fine. 

 

He can hear Katie yelling into the phone. He leans down, his lips at Robert’s ear and he whispers, “It’s okay. I promise, it’s okay. I’m here. Please just hold on, Robert. Please.” His hand shake as he touches Robert’s face gently, feels the heavy shudder as Robert tries to keep breathing. 

 

He knows Katie is staring and he doesn’t care. 

 

He kisses Robert’s cheek, tears falling his face, onto Robert’s and he can’t -- he can’t leave him. Not like this. “I promise I’ll -- I’ll do whatever you need. As long as you stay.” 

 

He doesn’t look up when he speaks. “Don’t, Katie. Not now.” The words barely make it out. He holds on to Robert’s hand. They don’t feel right. Cold and clammy. Robert’s hands are always hot on Aaron’s skin, soft or rough, they leave a trail of heat behind, they leave their mark so Aaron feels Robert for hours after he’s gone. 

 

He closes his eyes when he hears the wail of sirens getting closer. 

 

Robert is still breathing. He is.  

 

Everything is a blur. The police arrive, the ambulance is there, and he thinks he hears Katie say Andy’s name, thinks she’s called Robert’s brother. They ask him to move, gently remove him from Robert’s side and all he can do is watch them. 

 

Robert stops breathing and Aaron’s knees tremble. He holds on to the beam near him, watches as they start compression, mouth to mouth. He can’t look away, not until Robert breaths again. 

 

“We’ve got a pulse. It’s weak but it’s there. We need to move him. Now.” 

 

Aaron’s chest bursts with pain and he clutches at it. 

 

Robert’s breathing. Robert’s breathing. Robert’s breathing. 

 

“Are either one of you going with him? 

 

Katie opens her mouth to respond, and Aaron’s not sure what she is going to say. 

 

He cuts her off. 

 

“I am. He’s -- yeah, I’m going with him.” 

 

He doesn’t even bother to look over at Katie, and follows the EMS out of the barn and into the ambulance. 

 

One of them speaks gently to him. “Don’t touch him, sir. We need to be very careful.” 

 

Aaron nods but keeps his eyes on Robert’s face, on his chest as it move up and down with difficulty, at his hands that are bruised and bleeding, one angled strangely. 

 

He wants to touch him so much, to let Robert know he isn’t alone, but he can’t. 

 

He never could. 

 

\-- --

 

They take Robert away, leave Aaron at the double doors, watching through the windows as they work on him. 

Tubes and machines and needles. 

 

Doctors and nurses shouting out orders. 

 

Aaron doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know. 

 

There’s only one person he can think of who can help him, who can tell him what to do. 

 

He hits the call button on his mobile before he thinks twice about it. 

 

“LIsten, you. Your mum’s been tittering at me all day that you’ve disappeared. Something’s gone on at Robert’s wedding. Any idea -”

 

“Paddy.” 

 

The tone of his voice must be enough because Paddy stops talking. “What’s happened?” 

 

“Hotten General. Come. Please. It’s - Robert. Please, Paddy. I need ya.” 

 

“I’ll be right there.” 

 

Aaron ends the call, clutches his phone to his chest, turns to continue to watch strangers save the man Aaron loves. 

 

Paddy would know what to do. He just needs to wait. Robert would be fine and Paddy -- 

 

“Aaron!”

 

He turns, sees Andy’s worried face, followed by Vic and Diane. Doug finishes up the little parade and he wonders if Robert knows how much his family actually care despite everything. 

 

“Aaron, what’s happened? Where’s Katie? She said Rob’s been hurt?” 

 

Aaron starts to speak but can’t form the words. He shakes his head, tears forming again and Vic starts to cry. “I’m so sorry.” 

 

Diane lets out anguished “no” and Doug pulls her closer to him. Andy is the only one who keeps looking at Aaron, demands an answer. “Aaron, tell me, where’s my brother?” 

 

He motions to the doors behind, the window where they can see the crowd working on Robert. Andy stills at the sight, his lips trembling for a minute. “I don’t understand. Did he ‘ave an accident?” 

 

“Yeah. He fell through the floor at Wylie’s.”    
  


Andy whirls when he hears Katie’s voice. Something is going on there and Andy stares at her for a moment, doesn’t move closer. “How -- what was he doing there?” 

 

Katie opens and closes her mouth. She glances at Aaron. He can tell she wants to prove that she’s been right about Robert having an affair. She wants to point at Aaron and expose them both. But the look on Andy’s face, the anger and fear seem to stop her and she shrugs, “I don’t know, really. He just asked me to meet him there.” 

 

Andy narrows his eyes then turns back to Aaron. “Why were you there, then?” 

 

Aaron thinks and it comes to him. The lie that will save Robert. “He asked me to be there. He didn’t want Katie to think -- he was going to give you and Katie Wylie’s as a gift. A peace offering.” 

 

He sees Katie’s eyes widened at his lies but Aaron knows they’re safe for now. She won’t contradict, not while Robert’s fighting for his life. Not while the Sugdens are standing in a corridor, half scared out of their mind of losing one of theirs. 

 

Katie nods. “Aaron and I were outside when -- he must have tripped and fallen through -- the boards are old -- I never got to talk with him.” 

 

Andy’s eyes water and Vic comes up to him, hugs him to her side. 

 

“Oh, Robert.”

 

They move closer to the window and Aaron forces his legs to move, give them room. Katie stares at him and he glares back. There’s a commotion behind them and Aaron watches as Chrissie barrels through the doors, followed by her father and Lachlan. 

 

“Where is he?,” she demands as she sees Aaron. Her eyes fall on Katie and turn to slits. “You! You did this, didn’t you?” Katie takes a step back as Chrissie comes at her. Aaron block her path, holds her shoulders, wants to shake her. Hates her for standing there in her wedding dress. Hates that she gets to fall apart. That she’ll get to be there with Robert. 

 

“Chrissie, stop. No, it was an accident. I swear Katie had nothing to do with it.” 

 

Chrissie glances at him then back to Katie. “Why was he there, Aaron?” Her lip trembles and he can’t bring himself to look at her. She’s asking him as Robert’s friend, the only one she knows he has and he wants to break apart. 

 

He shakes his head. “He was trying to make peace before your wedding. It was -- a horrible accident.” 

 

Chrissie clutches his arm, notices the family standing near the window and lets go, rushes over. 

 

Aaron feels numb. 

 

There’s motion around him. People talking, moving, runnin. Someone asks him a question but he shakes his head. He hears Chrissie demand to know where they are taking Robert. 

 

Internal hemorrhaging. They can’t stop it. Extensive damage. Emergency surgery. Touch and go. 

 

There’s a hand on his shoulder, warm and steady. Aaron turns and Paddy pulls him into a hug, holds him tightly. 

 

“It was Robert all along, then?” Paddy asks, quietly, and Aaron nods, lets the tears fall. Let’s himself break apart in his dad’s arms because he can’t do anything else. 

 

\-- --

 

Paddy brings him a cuppa, sits next to him, slightly apart from Chrissie and the Sugdens. He doesn’t ask Aaron any questions, leaves him be. It reminds Aaron how much he’d missed Paddy while he’d been on the run. The steady patience, the kindness and strength his dad radiated always seems to calm him. 

 

“It weren’t meant to have happened like this.” 

 

Paddy freezes, turns his head to listen, brow furrows a bit. “What you mean?” 

 

Aaron breathes in deep, closes his eyes. “He’d broken it off yesterday. I - he’d wanted to keep on after the wedding -- too afraid to be honest.” 

 

Opening his eyes, he turns to look at Paddy. “I called him out to try to talk him out marrying her. To tell him I -- I love him. I wanted him to face that he loves me.” 

 

“And?” 

 

“And I’d arranged for Katie to come out. I was going to - I wanted her to see.” 

  
Paddy’s eyes widened. “Aaron, no. You were going to out him?” 

 

Aaron’s sniffs, wipes at his eyes. “I just wanted him to choose me. He’d have no choice, would he?” He glances over, sees his dad’s face, sad and a little worried. “You think I’m wrong?” 

 

Paddy sighs, shakes  his head. “It isn’t easy, Aaron. You know that. It’s complicated and I don’t know what happened. I understand. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay what you’ve done.” 

 

“Paddy.” 

 

“No, listen. I’m not judging, yeah? You can’t help who you love. But outing him is about you,  not him. And it wouldn’t be good for either of you, would it? Look where he’s at.”

 

Aaron stomach clenches and he closes his hands, digs his nails into his palms. “You think it’s my fault? What happened?” 

 

Paddy turns his head so fast Aaron hears it crack. “You what? No, Aaron. NO.” 

 

“Because I do.” 

 

Paddy grips his shoulders. “It was an accident.” 

 

“He was there because of me.” 

 

Paddy shakes his head furiously. “Listen to me, Aaron. This is not your fault. No one is at fault, yeah?” 

 

Aaron stares at the door where the doctors had disappeared what felt like days ago. He couldn’t survive losing Robert. 

 

“If he dies, Paddy, I won’t -- I can’t.” 

 

Paddy wraps his arms around Aaron. “He won’t, Aaron. Don’t think like that.”

 

Aaron wishes and prays that Paddy is right. 

 

\-- --

 

Robert makes it through surgery and then through the night. They almost lose him once more but he stabilizes and Aaron can breathe again. He stays as long as he can without it seeming strange. Andy and Vic tell him they are glad Robert has a best mate like him. Chrissie thanks him for saving Robert’s life. 

 

Aaron can’t stay, wants to crawl the walls if he has to listen to her anymore. It’s irrational, his anger at her but she gets to be there for as long as she wants. She gets to go in and see Robert, hold his hand, see his face. Aaron isn’t family. 

 

He stays until the morning then goes home, avoids talking to his mother and falls into a dreamless sleep for hours. When he wakes, it’s night and there’s a tray on his bedside stand. The food is cold and the pint is warm but Aaron is starved. He finishes it fast, jumps into the shower and changes. 

 

He needs to see how Robert is. 

 

Chas stops him on his way out. “Where you going? I don’t reckon you are leaving without telling me what happened?” 

 

Aaron pauses, tells her everything she told Chrissie and the Sugdens. 

 

“Robert causes nothing but trouble.” 

 

Aaron glares at her, grits his teeth. “He could be dying. What the hell is wrong with you?” He doesn’t wait for her to try to say she’s sorry. The ride to the hospital is long. He stops on the way to grab some take away, knows from experience how awful the cafe at the hospital is. 

 

Andy and Vic sit together on one end of the room. Chrissie is nowhere to be seen. He can see Lawrence down the hall speaking to a doctor. He stops in from of Vic, hands her the coffee he’d brought for her. She glances up with vacant eyes but smiles when she sees what he’s got. 

 

“Thanks, Aaron.” 

 

He gives Andy the other cuo, nods at the rough, “thanks, mate.”

 

They scoot over to make room for him and a warmth glows in his chest. They are Robert’s family and he feels like a part of them. If he can’t be with Robert, he could get to be with the people that love him. He forces the question out of his mouth. 

 

“How is he?”

 

Vic shrugs. “The same. Not great but not any worse.” 

 

Chrissie comes through the doors, clothes different, her stride hard and angry.  Behind her, Aaron sees some doctor, suit and an air of arrogance that sets Aaron’s teeth on edge. “What’s going on there?” 

Andy scowls at Chrissie’s back. “She’s called in some fancy medical git.” 

 

“Andy!, She’s trying to help.” Vic scolds her brother, uses the cup to warm her hands. 

 

“Lot good it did. Said the same thing Cavanaugh said.” 

 

Aaron leans closer, tries not to sound too eager. “What did he say?” 

 

Andy meets his eyes, sadness and worry waging a war. “That they don’t know if Rob will wake up. That they can’t know how much damage his brain’s had until he does.”

 

Vic takes Aaron’s hand, squeezes. “They did say the swellings gone down which is good but,” Vic bites her trembling lips. “His not breathing on his own. They’ve got him hooked up to all these different machines.” Her voice falters, and Aaron wraps an arm around his friend. 

 

She smiles through her tears, tries to be hopeful when she states, “But I know my brother, he’ll come out of this, he will.”

 

Aaron nods but the rushing to his ears makes him block out everything else. 

 

That they don’t know if Rob will wake up.

 

He has to. Aaron can’t imagine Robert laying in a bed for the rest of their lives. 

 

\-- --

 

He convinces Vic to go home to shower and change. He stays with Andy. Katie brings him a change of clothes. Aaron realizes they aren’t really speaking but he doesn’t care to know why. He avoids looking at Katie and she returns the favor. 

 

Diane and Doug return with food and more tea. Vic is back in a blink and they all sit together. Chrissie is in and out, throwing her weight around and Aaron can’t even blame her. If he had the same kind of pull, he’d be fighting with everyone to do whatever they needed for Robert. 

 

Days pass the same for all of them. Aaron goes home late at night. He makes an appearance at Cain’s when he’s forced to but he spends all his spare time at hospital with Andy and Vic. Chrissie and the Sugden argue daily. She wants to take Robert to a specialist. They refuse to be separated from him. 

 

Five days pass with no news. Aaron still hasn’t been able to see Robert in all that time. He hopes every day that he’ll be allowed visitors other than his family. He doesn’t push to see him, even as it kills him a little every day. 

 

Aaron’s head is aching when Dr. Cavanaugh comes to the room. His face is kind but there’s a quiet sort of resignation. Robert’s swelling of the head has gone completely. They took him off the machines and he’s breathing on his own. His vital signs are normal. His brain activity doesn’t seem to be hindered. 

 

Aaron waits for it, can feel the words coming before they do. 

 

“Robert should have woken up by now. There’s no reason we can see why he hasn’t yet. It just seems -- we have no medical explanation why he hasn’t but sometimes this happens.” 

 

Aaron heart drops. He holds Vic arm as she starts to cry a little. Doug and Diane hold onto each other. Katie reaches for Andy. Lawrence puts his arm around Chrissie and Aaron wishes they were all gone. He doesn’t want to hear it. He can’t take it. 

 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not sure Robert will ever wake up.” 

 

\-- --

 

_ Robert’s eyes flutter open and he cringes against the bright light from the window. He glances at the clock and realizes it’s later than he’d wanted it to be. He rises from the bed, too small by half for him now. His mum’s spare room that was meant to have been his is tiny.  _

 

_ “Robert, you need to get up, love. You’ll be late.”  _

 

_ He steadies himself to his feet, washes his face and mouth, throws his clothes on. He wants to be gone before his dad comes round for another row. His bags are packed and the boot of his car. He went round to see Vic and Andy, say his goodbyes, promised to call them. Katie had been there and a part of him had wanted to hug her, kiss her and tell her to come with him.  _

 

_ She’d picked Andy again. Robert could blame her or he could get on with his life and make something of the chance he’d gotten. It was what his mum had said to him when she’d found him broken and scared. Max was dead. He’d done that. His stupid anger at his father and at Andy had done that. His dad had used it as the excuse he needed to kick him out of the village, to kick him out of the family.  _

 

_ (That wasn’t why...Robert knew that and so did his dad. Gareth had been the reason. The boy he’s father had caught him with almost two years ago. The one he could never forgive Robert for. No matter how hard Robert twisted himself to be what his dad wanted.) _

 

_ Sarah had never been one to hold back with her son and it was no different. She’d forced Andy to come see Robert. Thank him for saving his life. He’d admitted what he’d done. That it was an accident.  _

 

_ His mum was a sight to behold when she got an idea in her head. The days after Max’s funeral had been awful but she’d been his steady rock. When Jack showed up to demand he come back to the farm, that he had a job to do, she’d thrown him out and hadn’t let him return.  _

 

_ “I should have done this years ago, love.” She’s said to him and Robert hadn’t understood until she’d walked into their house with papers in one hand and her keys in the other. “Get in the car, Robert.”  _

 

_ They’d driven for hours and reached London just before lunch. Robert didn’t understand until the pulled up in front of the admin building of the uni Robert had been accepted to what felt like ages ago now.  _

 

_ “Mum.”  _

 

_ “You passed this up before because of your dad and Katie. Mostly because you were scared.” She reaches over and gently grips his face. “You were always meant to be here, Robert.”  _

 

_ It was all a blur but when they’d left, Robert had been accepted as a late entry into their business program. “It’s a start and once you’ve caught up you can see if you can get into that computer stuff you love.”  _

 

_ Robert had felt lighter than he had in years.  _

 

_ Today was the day it all began. He eats brekkie with his mum, allows her to dote on him while he finishes. The clock shows eight and Robert can guess his dad will be there, like he has been every day, to try to force Robert back home.  _

 

_ His mum smiles gently, touches his head, kisses his hair and says, “It’s time, love.”  _

 

_ Robert makes his way out into the chilly morning, takes a moment to look around the village, turns to his mum. “You going to be alright, mum?  I don’t wanna leave ya alone.”  _

 

_ She makes a noise, brushes his concern aside. “I am not alone. I’ve got your sister and brother. And Emily and Paddy, don’t I?”  _

 

_ Robert nods but feels that crushing wave of fear and sadness roll over him. “What if I don’t -” _

 

_ “No, Robert. You are brilliant. Everything you do will be amazing. I am so proud of you.” She reaches for his face, cups his face and says gently. “You are free, son, to be who you are.”  _

 

_ Robert’s eyes widened. Of course, his mother knew. The relief at her words make tears prick at his eyes and he crushes her to him. “Thank you, mum. I love you.”  _

 

_ “I love you.”  _

 

_ He thinks of everything he is leaving behind, glances in the rearview as his mother’s figure gets smaller and farther away.  _

 

_ He thinks of everything he is running to and of whatever is going to come to him. _

_ \--- --- _

 

Lights flash; there’s noise, steady, a weight...then it’s gone. 

 

\--- ---

 

_ “Robert, get up. You’ll be late for that damn meeting.” _ __  
  


_ Robert swings his bedroom door open, smirks at Kath when her eyes widen at his suit. She makes a whistling noise. “You clean up well, Sugden.”  _

 

_ “This is not the first suit you’ve seen me in, Cartwright.”  _

 

_ “No, but it’s the first time it isn’t some crappy faux designer, now isn’t it?”  _

 

_ “Shut up.” He gently shoves her with his shoulder and heads to grab a cuppa before he goes. He’d met Kath his second year of business school. She’d been in the drama department and he’d caught her playing Lady Macbeth. She was brilliant, really.  _

 

_ They’d slept together once, decided they weren’t suited at all like that and been mates ever since. He’d convinced her to give business a try and they’d been working consulting since they left their uni days behind.  _

 

_ Consulting was a lot like running a con. Kath and Robert were naturals at it.  _

 

_ He’d come out to her at the same time he had Andy and Vic. She’d rolled her eyes and told him that anyone who didn’t know Robert Sugden played for both teams was an idiot.  _

 

_ He’d kept her after that.  _

 

_ “What you think Lawrence wants with you, then?”  _

 

_ Robert shrugs, taking a bite of the toast Kath had left on the table, chewing and swallowing quickly, “I don’t know. He just wants me to meet him at the office.”  _

 

_ Kath gives him a look, one eyebrow raised, her coffee halfway to her lips. “You sure he isn’t gonna try have you killed for breaking his little girl’s heart.”  _

 

_ “Chrissie is a grown woman with an ex she isn’t over yet and a ten year old kid. I think she’s fine we didn’t work out.”  _

 

_ “Because you slept with her assistant.”  _

 

_ Robert points at Kath. “We weren’t dating anymore by then. She’d needed time.”  _

 

_ Kath grins at him. “And you needed Daniel’s coc-” _

 

_ Robert throws his napkin at her head. “Oi! Shut that gobby mouth of yours, Cartwright.”  _

 

_ She laughs at him. “I’m just pointing out that you essentially ruined whatever chance you might have had in the future. To your credit, at least it wasn’t that sister of hers.”  _

 

_ Robert rolls his eyes. “Rebecca is a good lass but my mum would have driven down here and made sure I couldn’t do that ever again if I’d been that stupid.”  _

 

_ “I love your mother.”  _

 

_ “As do I.” He drinks his tea in one swallow then turns around, throws his hands out and raises an inquiring eyebrow at Kath.  _

 

_ She waves her hand side to side. “You’ll do. Now, call me if he offers our consulting a lot of money. Don’t call me if you end up in prison.”  _

 

_ “You’re the best mate a bloke could have, Kath.” _

 

_ He grins at her reply of “I am the best, yes” and closes the door behind him.  _

 

\-- --

 

The hospital corridor is quiet. That surprises him even all these weeks later. 

 

Aaron hurries his pace, turns the corner and avoids meeting a passing nurse’s gaze. He’s not sure how long he can keep this up, but he’s not been caught out, hopes that his luck holds.

 

Robert’s room is at the very end of the hall. It pays to have a rich fiancée when you’re in hospital because the room is private, set back in a quiet alcove. Aaron glances in, makes sure no one is there. 

 

At the beginning, when Robert had first been admitted, someone was always with him and Aaron would have to hide until he could sneak in to see him for a few moments. Days are still filled with people, he knows this on the few occasions he has come to visit.

 

But it’s been long enough that no one stays overnight.

 

No reason to anymore.

 

The door makes no sound as he opens it and walks through, holding it until it shuts with only a soft whisper.

 

Aaron swallows against the lump of tears lodged in his throat. They’re always there when he sees Robert. Every emotion he has for the other man is curled up in a fist in the center of his chest.

 

He thinks that it should be better now. Looking at Robert, motionless on the bed, his skin almost as white as the sheets but healed. The cuts and bruises and broken bones are all having disappeared or reformed as the weeks had passed.

 

It isn’t.

 

Robert’s breathing on his own at least. That was supposed to have been a good sign. Weeks ago, when they’d taken him off the breathing machine and he’d continued to thrive, Aaron had been sure that meant Robert was coming back.

 

He wanted that. Even if he came back to Chrissie, at least, he’d be back.

 

He hadn’t come back though, and Aaron can’t think that he never will. He snaps out of his thoughts, slides the chair closer to the bed, and sits. He doesn’t have much time.

 

“Rob.”

 

Nothing.

 

Aaron reaches for Robert’s hand, curls his fingers around Robert’s and squeezes. 

 

“Robert, please.” 

 

He blinks back tears, swallows down his fear and leans his chin on the bed, stares at Robert’s face. “Come back. Everyone…they need ya to come back.”

 

He closes his eyes and sighs, leaves the  _ I need you to come back to me  _ unspoken.

 

This is all his fault.

 

If Robert never wakes up, if Aaron loses him…it’s all his own fault.

 

And Aaron knows, he could never live with that.

 

\--- --- 

 

_ Robert gulps down the last of his warm beer, breathes deeply and forces his shoulders to relax. He keeps his eyes on the bar, tries to get the bartender’s attention again. He sees that Clive is chatting up one of the servers and Kath disappeared not long after they’d come in. _

 

_ It was supposed to be a celebration after months of work to set up the site in France, they’d finally broken ground ahead of schedule.  _

 

_ It’s been weeks since he’s had a chance to do anything other than work. It hits Robert that he hasn’t had time to go on the pull for far too long. There’s been an itch under his skin for days now.  Robert glances around the room. There had been a ginger who’d caught his interest but she’d quickly left with someone before Robert had a chance.  _

 

_ It’d been an hour and he can’t bear being in the bar any longer . He turns to stop one of the servers as they pass by, having given up on the bartender when  his gaze falls on a man just a few stools down leaning back against the bar.  _

 

_ He is wearing a wrinkled suit, blue and his tie is slightly askew.  He moves in it like it’s not something he’s used to. His eyes are scanning the crowd and find Robert staring at him. He pauses, smirks a little before turning his back to him.  Robert’s stomach trembles at the look of him. Dark hair, muscled arms under the suit that speak of strength, tanned skin. The stranger glances back and their gazes collide.  _

 

_ Something unfurls inside Robert, the itching flares into a burning that bursts in the middle of his chest. The man raises an eyebrow and Robert forces his gaze away.  _

 

_ He wants so badly that it takes him by surprise.  _

 

_ There’s movement at his side and he glances over to see a pair of blue eyes meeting his own stare. Something catches in Robert’s chest, clicks into place and he’s not sure what to do.  _

 

_ The silence stretches and then the bloke gives him a teasing smile. “Does it speak?” He is just a bit cocky and the light in his eyes is warm.  _

 

_ Robert snorts, relaxes slightly.  “It does.” _

 

_ “Good. It’s not nearly as much fun to do anything in silence, is it?” Robert blinks as a hand reaches out to shake his.  _

 

_ “Aaron.”  _

 

_ Robert bites back a grin. “Robert.”  _

 

_ \-- -- _

 

_ Robert’s head falls back onto the pillow, baring his throat to Aaron, and he shudders when Aaron hides his face there as he buries himself in Robert, grip bruising on Robert’s hip. Robert’s moans caught between them and he brings one hand to grip Aaron’s hair, the other clenches in the sheets and when Aaron moves, Robert meets him, pushes up and loses himself in Aaron… _

 

_ \-- -- _

 

_ Robert’s traces the muscles on Aaron’s back, doesn’t ask questions at the the story his skin tells. Aaron’s breathing has evened out. They’d not spoken much and it probably was supposed to be that way.  _

 

_ But Robert -- _

 

_ “I don’t usually -- I’ve been seeing someone -- we’re not together right now, at least I don’t suppose we are.”  _

 

_ Of course, Aaron was seeing someone. _

_  
_ _ Robert stops touching him, pulls his hand back. “Okay.” He wants to ask what that means.  _

 

_ Aaron turns his head to look at Robert, can’t seem to bring himself to for too long, his gaze wanders beyond Robert’s shoulder. He stills suddenly then frowns, attention now fixed behind Robert. Robert turns his head to find what caught Aaron’s eye, sees the photo of him and his mum. They’d taken it not long before Robert’d left home for good.  _

 

_ When he turns back to Aaron, his eyes are wide and he is staring at Robert.  _

 

_ “What?” _

 

_ “You know Sarah?”  _

 

_ Robert pulls back on the bed, looks back at the framed picture then to Aaron, frowning.. “How -- do you know my mum?”  _

 

_ Aaron’s eyes widened even more and then he lets out a startled laugh. “Robert. Sugden.”  _

 

_ “You what?”  _

 

_ Aaron’s covered his mouth, hiding a grin. “You’re the proverbial black sheep of the Sugdens. A bit of a legend in the village to be honest.” Aaron leans back against the headrest.  _

 

_ “Who the hell are you?” Robert’s starting to doubt having given in to his want for Aaron.  _

 

_ Aaron grins wider. “I told ya. Aaron. Dingle.”  _

 

_ Of course, he was a Dingle.  _

 

_ His mouths hanging open and it hits him what’s just happened, his face twitching a bit. Whatever look is on his face, though, must be funny because Aaron starts to laugh again, can’t seem to stop and Robert’s own laughter rattles out, joining Aaron. He pushes into Aaron’s space and swallows the rest of Aaron’s laughter, mutters a quick, “Oh, shut up, idiot.”  _

 

_ Of course, the first time Robert’d felt like this again, the bloke came start out of the past he’d been running from. _

 

_ Because that’s just Robert’s life, isn’t it?  _

 

_ \-- --  _

 

_ Robert’s not had someone stay over since Chrissie. He stands in the middle of his kitchen, trying to decide what to do. It seems stupid but the trembling in his stomach hasn’t stopped and he bites down on a smile.  _

 

_ Finding out that Aaron was from Emmerdale wasn’t as shocking as realizing that Robert got on with a Dingle.  _

 

_ He laughs out loud, shakes his head and tries to concentrate.  _

 

_ Maybe a fry up. Definitely a brew.  _

 

_ He puts the kettle on and opens his fridge to see what he has to offer. He thinks he should ask Aaron what he might want and heads to his bedroom. _

_ The door is slightly ajar and he can hear Aaron speaking quietly.  _

 

_ “I can’t keep doing this, Ed.” _

 

_ Robert stops before entering the room, leans away from the door as Aaron talks.  _

 

_ “You left. Without a word. It’s been two weeks.” Aaron seems to be listening and Robert can see through the slit in the door as he hangs his head. “I know I said that. I -- no, of course I care.” _

 

_ Robert doesn’t stay to listen, making his way back to his kitchen, he prepares breakfast and ignores the way his chest hurts and his insides feel heavy.  _

 

_ Aaron had told him last night about his complicated relationship. It shouldn’t be important. He’s not supposed to care.  _

 

_ Robert hears Aaron before he sees him, takes the time to pull his thoughts together before he turns around. “Morning. Cuppa?”  _

 

_ Aaron’s smile is soft but he can’t meet Robert’s eyes. “I’ve got to go, I’m sorry.”  _

 

_ Robert shakes his head. “It’s okay.”  _

_  
_ _ Aaron glances up, sees the table set and his face falls slightly but Robert closes the distance. “It’s fine, Dingle.” He pats Aaron’s shoulder, makes him look up. “Go on, then. Maybe I’ll see you around, yeah?”  _

 

_ Aaron looks like he wants to say something but he doesn’t and walks out of Robert’s flat, and Robert imagines, out of his life.  _

 

\--- ---

 

Aaron rubs at his eyes with one hand, the other one still holding onto Robert’s hand. He feels brittle, like he can be blown apart at any moment. His thumb rubs against Robert’s warm skin, soothing circles into his hand. 

 

“Robert.” 

 

The commotion outside the hospital room door warns him and he manages to drop Robert’s hand, moves away from him as Chrissie and Andy storn into the room. 

 

“You have no right to do anything, Chrissie!” 

 

Chrissie whirls, hair and dress flapping as she turns on Andy. “I am his wife.” 

 

Aaron’s fist clench and he bites his tongue. 

 

“Not yet, you aren’t.” 

 

“I am good as, Andy!” 

 

Victoria rushes into the room, stands between the two, tries to calm them down. No one has noticed him yet and Aaron hopes they don’t. 

 

“Just -- this isn’t helping anyone, least of all Rob.” 

 

Andy eyes flash with anger and he points his finger at Chrissie, head turning to his sister. “Are you taking her side?” 

 

Vic bristles. “Course not, Andy! But what’s yelling gonna get us?” 

 

Lawrence strolls in followed by Diane and Aaron wants to leave but he can’t. Something’s happened and he wants to know. 

 

“Everybody calm down.” Lawrence’s using his business tone, reasonable and direct. “All we want is for Robert to be taken care of, to get everything he needs.” 

 

“So, you want to send him hundreds of miles away to do that?” 

 

Aaron staggers back against the wall and he speaks, “What?” 

 

The only ones that hear him are Victoria and Diane. Vic comes to his side, hugs him tightly. He returns the gesture, asks quietly against her head. 

 

“What they going on about?” 

 

Vic sniffles. “Chrissie wants to put Robert in a facility, Aaron.” 

 

Aaron entire body screams no. They can’t take Robert from him, from any of them. 

 

Chrissie’s gaze has found Aaron, her eyes narrow and she spits out an angry, “What is he doing here?” 

 

Andy steps between her line of sight and Aaron. “He is Rob’s best mate.” 

 

“I haven’t given him visitor’s rights and -” 

 

“No, but I did.” Diane speaks up, glares at Chrissie as she pulls a paper out of her handbag.

 

Chrissie had blamed Aaron and Katie for Robert’s fall. She’d refused to allow either one of them in to see Robert for weeks. Diane had found Aaron one morning when he’d fallen asleep at Robert’s bedside. The look she’d given him had been too probing and Aaron had tried to talk himself out of the situation but Diane had told him to stop nattering on. She knew he and Robert were close. She’d left him to finish his visit. The next day Andy had called to tell him he was listed as family and could see Robert any time.  

 

“And you aren’t taking Robert anywhere.” She hands the paper to Lawrence, coming to stand next to Andy. Vic lets go of Aaron but pulls at him so that he is standing with the Sugdens, facing off with Chrissie and Lawrence. 

 

“What is this?” Chrissie snatches the paper from her father’s hand, reads it, her face becoming a storm of rage. “An injunction? To keep him here?” 

 

The fight over what was best for Robert had begun almost immediately. Chrissie wanting to make every decision, ploughing her way over what Robert’s family wanted, attempting to bullying them into following her wishes. 

 

Aaron had only heard snippets. He’d stayed well out of it, afraid that he’d say something he’d regret later. 

 

“You’ve absolutely no right to make any decision for him, Chrissie.” Diane speaks, stepping to Robert’s side. She runs one hand over his hair, kisses his forehead. “Hello, pet.” 

 

Chrissie takes a step toward her and Lawrence holds her back. “I want what’s best for him. It’s been months now. He isn’t waking up.” 

 

“You just giving up on him, then, are you?” Aaron says before he can think better of it. 

 

“I am thinking about what’s best for him!” Chrissie’s eyes have teared up, her voice wobbles and Aaron almost feels for her. Almost. 

 

“No, you are thinking of what’s easiest for you.” Diane voices Aaron’s thoughts and he nods in agreement. “You aren’t giving him a chance.” 

 

“The doctors have all said -” 

 

“Yeah, well the doctors don’t know Rob. We do.” Andy moves to face Chrissie. “He doesn’t ever give up. Sugdens never do.” 

 

They are at a standstill and Chrissie grits her teeth. “I am gonna fight this.” 

She leaves as she came in, motion and anger and determination. 

“Do you think she can take him?” 

 

Andy shakes his head. “I don’t know but she’ll have to get through us to do it.” 

 

Aaron can’t breathe. The thought of Robert being away from him, from all of them is too much to bear and he has to leave to room. He finds a quiet waiting room and sits down, head in his hands as he breathes through the panic. 

 

He’s not sure how long he is there when he feels a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

Paddy sits next to him, keeps his hand on Aaron’s shoulder. 

 

“She wants to take him away, Pads.” 

 

“I know. Andy called me, said you were upset.” 

 

Aaron raises his head. “Do you think he might-” 

 

“No. I don’t. He did tell me that they are fighting it, Aaron. They won’t let Chrissie take Robert. They’ll win.” 

 

Aaron wants to believe that but nothing has gone right. All he cares about is for Robert to be awake, to come back. Even if he loses him for good. 

 

“I hope so.” 

 

\-- --

 

_ He’d avoided the pub where he met Aaron for a few weeks but Clive and Kath manage to force him out, stating that “Robert Sugden isn’t a love-sick fool” and they weren’t to let him become one. Robert thinks they have a point until he walks into the bar and catches sight of Aaron at one of the back tables with a group of blokes.  _

 

_ He’s sitting next to an extremely fit man, and Robert’s guessing that’s Ed. Ed’s got his arm slung casually over Aaron’s shoulders and Robert tries hard not to feel anything. Aaron sees him, smiles wide and waves. Robert returns the smile but it feels pasted on so he just waves back, heads to the booth that Clive and Kath found.  _

 

_ “That him, then?” Clive nods his head where Aaron’s sitting and Kath leans over to get a better look.  _

 

_ “Stop it.” Robert pushes her back in her seat, glares at Clive, nodding curtly. “Yeah, that’s Aaron.”  _

 

_ “He is fit.”  _

 

_ “That his boyfriend?”  _

 

_ “They look nice together.”  _

 

_ Robert gnashes his teeth, and chooses to ignore his mates. “I’ll get the first round, shall I?” He makes his way through the crowd, regretting having come and manages to only take a few minutes to get to the bar. “Two pints of whatever’s on tap and one vodka neat, please.” He isn’t waiting long before he feels a familiar heat next to him. Robert braces himself, turns with a smirk to Aaron.  _

 

_ “Hiya.” _

 

_ Aaron’s smile, however, is warm and bright. “Hi.”  _

 

_ Robert thinks he shouldn’t be feeling any of what he is, Aaron’s not for him. He recovers and motions to the group Aaron’s with “Celebration?” _

 

_ Something flickers on Aaron’s face and he shrugs. “They’ve got a new team manager, think it’ll help them.”  _

 

_ Robert glances back. “They professional?”  _

 

_ Aaron makes a so-so motion with his hand. “Trying to be. Their good, though.” He pauses to glance at Robert then turns his gaze to the room as he says, “Maybe you want to come out and see them sometime?”  _

 

_ Robert’s going to say no. He can’t imagine sitting through an entire match watching Aaron’s boyfriend show Aaron and Robert and the world how very little Robert compares. But when he turns to look, there’s a sadness in Aaron’s gaze, a hope behind that still that makes Robert shrug, smile and say, “Sure.”  _

 

_ Aaron’s face lights up and he grins. “There’s a match tomorrow. In Leeds. I can pick ya up in the morning?”  _

 

_ He knows he should walk away. Clive and Kath are going to have a go at him for putting himself in this situation.He needs to catch up on sleep.  _

 

_ Instead, he grins back at Aaron, replies, “What time, then?”  _

 

\-- -- 

 

_ Aaron made the decision they were going to be mates.  _

 

_ “So, this is what mates do then, is it?” Robert asks, hiding his grin in his pint as he swallows. _

 

_ Aaron glances at him, one eyebrow raised, before he turns back to the match on the telly. “Not had many mates have ya, Rob?” _

 

_ Robert thinks of Andy back home, thinks of Max and of the mistakes that got them to where they were. Thinks of Clive and Kath. “Not many.” _

 

_ Aaron’s gaze falls on him and Robert feels his skin warm, that stupid ridiculous tingle he gets every time Aaron gives him his attention. Robert feels as though Aaron can see right through him, inside, where Robert hides everything. (It also brings up memories of the night they met, the way Aaron took him apart with hands and mouth and breath. How he’d looked at Robert, made him feel like he mattered…) _

 

_ Robert veers his thoughts far away from that night. They were mates. Ed and Aaron were back together and Robert – Robert had to deal with that in whatever way he could. _

 

_ He meets Aaron’s gaze, sees him starts to smirk and knows that he is about to let Robert off the hook. _

 

_ “I mean, not surprised, you are a right dick, Rob.” _

 

_ Robert would be offended but he really is. So, he starts to laugh, his heart bursting with something when Aaron does, too. _

 

_ Robert knows that whatever this is, it will end with a broken heart. _

 

_ His. _

 

_ Robert has a crush on Aaron. _

 

\-- -- 

 

Aaron walks into Diane’s cottage, carrying the coffee order that Vic had texted him. There’s no one when he walks in and he yells up the stairs. “Vic, I got what you wanted.”

 

He hears the clacking of high heels and closes his eyes, bracing himself. He doesn’t turn when he hears more people coming down the stairs. He can hear the arguing as they pass by him. 

 

“It’s still a no, Chrissie.” 

 

Aaron knows that things between Chrissie and Robert’s family was, to say the least, tense. Victoria tells him whenever they sit together with Robert that Chrissie tries to convince them to let her take Robert up to Home Farm. Aaron knows that Andy fought hard to get Robert to stay with them. The Sugdens refusal to let Chrissie and Lawrence take Robert away has been causing a rift between them. 

 

“We have the resources --” 

 

Aaron rolls his eyes skyward, sips from his mug as he turns to watch the drama play out in front of him. Before Andy can retort, Katie enters and Chrissie freezes. 

 

Whatever is about to happen, Aaron can’t be bothered. 

 

“Andy, there’s a brew for you on the counter.” 

 

Andy waves at him to acknowledge it and Aaron takes the drink tray up the stairs into Robert’s room. 

 

The curtains are open and sunlight is streaming in, falling onto Robert, highlighting his freckles. Aaron smiles softly before turning his gaze on Victoria, and she smiles back at him. 

 

“Morning.” 

 

“How’s he doing?” 

 

Vic shrugs, the same sadness that Aaron sees every day crossing her face. 

 

“No change.” 

 

That’s been the response for two months. It’s almost the end of summer and Robert’s been asleep for way too long. Six months in a coma. The doctors have all but given up hope. 

 

He walks closer to Robert, sets the tray on the nightstand, skims his fingers quickly on Robert’s skin. “Hey,” he whispers quietly. Aaron doesn’t notice Victoria stare or how her mouth quirks up slightly. 

 

“I think he misses ya when you’re not around.” 

 

Aaron snorts. “I doubt it.” He motions to the floor, meaning to ask what was up with Chrissie today when Victoria tells him. 

 

“Her request to have Robert moved to the Home Farm’s been denied.” Victoria grins, bites her lip as she continues, “also, Robert’s brother, Tommy, came through with the money. We’ve got whatever he needs so he can stay with us.” 

 

Victoria hugs him tightly and Aaron can’t help but smile into her shoulder. 

 

As long as Robert is with them, Aaron sure he’ll come back.

 

\-- -- 

 

_ He knows exactly what is happening. He’s fallen for Aaron and he can’t stop it. He knows Aaron and Ed are together even when they aren’t.  _

 

_ It matters sometimes when he thinks about it but he doesn’t normally think about it. And when he is with Aaron -- it doesn’t.  _

 

_ Robert had mates but not like Aaron. Not someone who understood where Robert came from.  _

 

_ He is tetchy and stubborn and never takes any of Robert’s crap. Aaron is smart and kind and so much more than Robert had been ready to find.  _

 

_ Aaron’s not the first time Robert’s felt something like this -- there was Katie and he’d thought Chrissie might have gone somewhere but it had never been like this -- something’d been missing.  _

 

_ Aaron was different.  _

 

_ He made everything inside Robert feel complete.  _

 

_ It figures he wasn’t someone Robert could have.  _

 

_ \-- -- _

 

_ “Do you ever miss home?”  _

 

_ Aaron asks one day out of the blue and Roberts stops eating, thinks about his answer. “I miss what it’s supposed to be, I guess.” _

 

_ Aaron nods. “Yeah.” _

 

_ \-- --  _

 

_ They meet on nights that Ed had late practice. Once or twice, Ed’s come along with Aaron. Robert knows Ed doesn’t like him (and it’s okay because Robert returns the sentiments) but they can be civil. Robert is Aaron’s mate in the end.  _

 

_ They have nights where they go to the pub, watch a match, sometimes they go out to some dive Aaron’s wants to try. The nights when Aaron and Ed fight usually means Aaron crashes at the flat and they spend the evening watching films with some take away.  _

 

_ Sometimes, though, it would be more. _

 

_ \-- --  _

 

_ It becomes a pattern. Ed and Aaron break up. Robert and Aaron sleep together.  Aaron will show up with a look on his face, heat in his eyes and Robert knows. He should stop it but he wants everything Aaron can give him.  _

 

_ \-- --  _

 

Aaron rubs at the creak in the back of his neck, wishes he’d time to go home and change after work before rushing to Diane’s but he’d wanted to see Robert. It’d been a few days since he’d come to visit, thanks to Cain doubling up his workload. 

 

He’s not surprised after the conversation with him mum a few days before that began to happen. 

 

“You’re spending all your spare time at the Sugdens, love. You need to concentrate on yourself.” 

 

Aaron had rolled his eyes and told him mum to stay out of it. But her words had given pause. No one but Katie and Paddy knew the real reason Aaron spent all his time with Robert. Neither of them were going to say anything. 

 

He was sure of that. But…

 

Hearing his mother say it out loud had made Aaron realize he needs to get better at hiding his feelings. He’d caught Victoria staring at him oddly a time or two. The distraction of work had come at a good time. 

 

Knocking on the cottage door twice, he doesn’t wait for someone to give him permission to enter and makes his way through the door and heads to the stairs. 

 

Andy’s on the phone in the family room, raises his hand and waves when he sees Aaron before returning to talk into the phone. He hears Debbie’s name as he makes his way to Robert’s room. When he opens the door, he stops in his tracks. 

 

Something’s different about Robert. Aaron takes a minute to see all the changes. Robert was wearing new pajamas. Someone had opened the window to let fresh air in and added a new plant to the room. There’s a different book on the nightstand from before. 

 

Aaron shakes his head. It was none of those things. 

 

Then it hits him. 

 

Robert looks...more present. The paleness of his skin has changed to a healthier shade. Aaron reaches out for Robert’s hand. It’s warmer than normal and Aaron feels the pulsing he always does when they touch. 

 

“Sorry I’ve been AWOL, Sugden. I had work.” Aaron smiles slightly, running his fingers through Robert’s hair. “If anyone can appreciate making some pounds, it’s you, isn’t it, greedy git. ” He leans down, kisses Robert’s lips gently to take the sting out of the words. He lives with the hope that Robert’ll wake up and insult him back. It’s not been working so far but Aaron’s not giving up. 

 

There’s the sound of the door opening and Victoria’s shout comes up the stairs. “Aaron, did I see you come in? Do us a favor and help me with the shopping, yeah?” 

 

“Yeah, alright!” He leans down again, drops another kiss on Robert’s cheek, quietly says, “I miss you so wake up, you idiot. Save me from your gobby sister.” 

 

\-- --

 

_ “You wanna meet up tonight?”  _

 

_ Robert closes his eyes against the automatic agreement that forms in his mind. He knew that Ed and Aaron had a huge row the night before and Aaron always turns to Robert.  _

 

_ “I’m meeting someone for a pint.”  _

 

_ There’s a long pause.  _

 

_ “A date?” _

_ Robert’s not really calling it that. He didn’t know Daniel but it was probably the closest description. “Something like that.”  _

 

_ “Go on you, mate. I’ll... talk to you later.” Aaron hangs up before Robert can say anything.  _

 

_ He meets Daniel at the bar and it’s going well enough. Daniel’s a headhunter so they talk about that for a bit. Robert always thought he could do that kind of work except he wants to have something concrete from his efforts.  _

 

_ He’s smiling at a joke that Daniel’s messed up when he notices Aaron walk in. His smile freezes then falls slightly. Aaron’s searching and when he sees Robert, his gaze focuses on the back of Daniel’s head. Robert hopes he doesn’t come over and breathes in relief when Aaron waves but moves to the back where Ed and his other mates are at.  _

 

_ Robert doesn’t bother to look at Aaron and Ed. They’ll probably make up and everything will go back to normal.  _

 

_ Daniel clears his throat and Robert gives him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”  _

 

_ “I wondered if you wanted to get out of here.” The invitation is clear but Robert isn’t in the mood and he can’t force it.  _

 

_ “Can I take a rain check?”  _

 

_ Daniel smiles and starts to grab his coat. Robert motions to the door. “I’ll walk you out.” They move together and he doesn’t look back when they walk outside.  _

 

_ \-- -- _

 

_ “Thought you’d pulled?”  _

 

_ Robert’s leaning against the brick wall, his mind whirring with so many thoughts and Aaron’s voice sends a shiver of want through him. He can’t deal with him right now but Aaron’s done nothing wrong and Robert doesn’t get to be mad at him.  _

 

_ He pushes off the wall, walks to the other end of the alley where Aaron’s standing and grins. “Not for tonight. Us bisexuals got a different mating dance.”  _

 

_ Aaron’s eyes are twinkling and he moves in closer. “Yeah, I’ve seen it.”  _

 

_ Robert sways toward Aaron, hands itching to touch, and he could but they’d be right where they’ve seem to be stuck. He takes a step back and Aaron’s giving him a confused look. He nods toward the pub.  _

 

_ “Where’s Ed?”  _

 

_ Aaron flicks his gaze to the floor, quietly says, ,”Home I suppose.”  _

 

_ “You not going--” _

 

_ “Ed and I are done.” _

 

_ Robert stops. “You what?”  _

 

_ “But-- why?”  _

 

_ Aaron’s head is bent, his hands are inside his coat and he takes a deep breath, looks Robert in the eye as he answers. _

 

_ “Because I want you.”  _

 

_ \-- --  _

 

The heart monitor beeps loudly and Victoria’s head comes up from where she’d been resting it against Robert’s bed. She stands up quickly and watches brother carefully. His heart rate was picking up and she knew that happened sometimes but it was never like this and it never happened unless a certain person visited. 

 

She sits back down and wonders if maybe Robert’s dreaming. She hopes it’s a good one. 

 

\-- -- 

 

_ They barely make it into Robert’s flat. He glances up the stairs, remembers that Kath is gone for the weekend and closes the door behind him. He is reaching for Aaron to find that Aaron is reaching back. They come together, heat and want rising between them.  _

 

_ Robert grips onto Aaron’s hips, pulls him in, feels the hard line of his cock and groans deep in his chest. He wants to taste him. He pulls back, tempted to continue when Aaron follows his lips, demands more but Robert knows if he doesn’t get them up the stairs right then, they’ll never make it. _

 

_ Robert wants Aaron in his bed. _

 

_ He wants to be inside Aaron.  _

 

_ He needs Aaron in him. _

 

\-- --

 

“I feel like he’s slipping further and further away, Andy.” 

 

\-- -- 

 

_ It didn’t long for Robert to move into Aaron’s flat once they’d made it official. Kath didn’t mind and it was closer to Robert’s work. They’d been seeing each other for a few months when Aaron asked him to just come live with him.  _ __  
  


_ “You’re here every day, Robert.”  _

 

_ He pauses slightly as he drinks his tea. “I don’t mean to -” _

 

_ Aaron hits him on his shoulder, kisses his cheek. “I’m not complaining, alright? I want you here.”  _

 

_ Robert grins and kisses his boyfriend soundly.  _

 

\-- -- 

 

_ Robert’s never had what he has with Aaron. No one would know it but Aaron is a sweet boyfriend. He tries to make sure Robert takes care of himself and lets him rant about work. Robert makes dinner and they seat together on the couch, Aaron’s feet in Robert’s lap while Aaron watches telly and Robert gets work done.  _

 

_ He even manages to let Robert be soft with him and doesn’t make him feel bad about it. _

 

_ “Babe, pass me that folder?”  _

 

_ Aaron reaches out to the table, grabs the purple folder and gives it to Robert.  _

 

_ The first time Robert had called him that, they’d both frozen. Robert had never really used endearments with anyone. Katie a bit when they were kids but not since. He wasn’t sure how Aaron would feel but he’d only let a smile touch his lips and not told Robert to do one.  _

 

_ Robert counted it as a win.  _

 

_ He also knew that he isn’t one to use that too often so Aaron probably won’t end up killing him for it.  _

 

_ His phone rings and he picks it up without looking. “Robert Sugden.”  _

 

_ “Love.”  _

 

_ He hears his mother’s voice and there’s something off. He gets up from the couch, Aaron gives looks at him in question and he mouths ‘my mum’ as he moves into the kitchen.  _

 

_ “Mum, what’s wrong?” He lowers his voice and Aaron’s not paying him any mind.  _

 

_ “Love, listen, please. It’s your dad.”  _

 

_ Robert knows what she’s going to say before she does.  _

 

_ “He’s had a heart attack, Robert. We’ve lost him.”  _

 

_ Everything else she says is white noise. He catches that she wants him to come home for the funeral. That they did him there. He can’t speak, leans back against the counter and covers his eyes, tears pricking there as he realizes that he’ll never be able to show his dad that he was worth something now.  _

 

_ He’d never get to tell him he loves him.  _

 

\-- --

 

In the silence of the room, Diane tries to fill it with stories about their days and hopes Robert can hear. 

 

For a moment, she stops and stares closely at Robert’s face. There are tear stains on his cheek.

 

\-- -- 

 

_ He leans over in his seat and drops a kiss on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron’s smiles over at him but Robert knows that he is worried about him.  _

 

_ He needs to tell Aaron about Jack passing, ask him to come with him. He waits until they are heading out to meet a few friends for tea.  _

 

_ They’re in the car and Aaron nearly runs them off the road.  _

 

_ “Jack’s dead? And you didn’t think to tell me until now?” Aaron’s jaw clenches. “This why you been a right bastard all week.”  _

 

_ They’d been fighting. Not that they didn’t snipe at each other but it was never serious.  _

 

_ “Yeah.”  _

 

_ “You should have said, Robert!”  _

 

_ Robert looks at him. “Oh, because it’s that easy to talk about my dad, is it?”  _

 

_ “This is different.”  _

 

_ Aaron pulls over, breathes in and looks over at Robert. “Look at me.”  _

 

_ Robert does and the look on Aaron’s face makes his resolve crumble. “We never -- I don’t know how to do this, Aaron.”  _

 

_ Aaron reaches out to him, tries to pull him closer but the console between them stops him. “What can I do? How do I help?”  _

 

_ Robert shakes his head. “Funeral is on Sunday. Will you come with me?”  _

 

_ He expects Aaron to nod, to say of course he would. But Aaron’s never been one to do what Robert thinks.  _

 

_ “Robert -- I can’t, I’m sorry.”  _

 

_ Robert’’s taken aback and he shakes his head. “You won’t come?”  _

 

_ “No, I can’t come.” Aaron looks straight out the windshield, can’t meet Robert’s eyes. “I’m on the run, Robert. I can’t ever go back.”  _

 

\-- --

 

Dr. Cavanaugh doesn’t know why Robert Sugden won’t wake up. They’ve run every test he can think of. Robert’s brain waves were in a normal range. His reflexes were returned. His blood work was fine. 

 

It just seemed like Robert didn’t want to wake up. 

 

\-- --  

 

_ The funeral is worse than Robert imagined. Andy and Katie keep giving him looks, and he feels uncomfortable in skin. That hadn’t happened to him since he’s gone. He stands between his sister and his mum. Diane and his mum hold onto each other. He’s never got how they were friends -- knows that his parents still loved each other. The guilt that he carries that he was the reason they were too broken to work it out.  _

 

_ He feels the loss of Aaron’s presence even more when everyone pairs off and he’s left to stand alone at his father’s grave.  _

 

_ His mobile buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out, smiles softly at Aaron’s message.  _

 

_ call me soon as you can. love ya. _

 

_ That bit had come out in the midst of their fight over Aaron not telling Robert the truth about why he’d left the village. He’d told him about Jackson, about the self-harming, and Robert had understood needing to get away from a past that choked the will to live out of you.  _

 

_ After Aaron drops the bomb about being on the run, that he’d taken the fall for his best mate, that Ed had helped and that was one of the reason Aaron tried so hard even after meeting Robert.  _

 

_ “I was scared you’d leave. I love you, okay?”  _

 

_ Robert kissed him then and Aaron had promised to tell Robert everything. They were a team and needed to work through things together.  _

 

_ His mother wraps an arm around his wrist and he pulls her in, hugs her to him.  _

 

_ “He loved you, you know, love.”  _

 

_ Robert shakes his head. Even his mother couldn’t make him talk about his. “Mum.”  _

 

_ “Okay, I won’t push. Come on. We’ve got more to get through.”  _

 

_ It’s at the wake that Robert gets the shock of his life. He sits with Dianae and his mum, listens to the stories about his dad. Andy comes to sit next to him and they talk for some time. Robert’s happy for him, and there’s not ache in his chest knowing his brother and Katie have made it.  _

 

_ He glances up and sees Vic sitting next to a dark haired bloke, frowns when he notices that he’s wearing monitor and he asks Andy. _

 

_ “That’s Vic’s new bloke, Adam Barton. He just got out on  license.”  _

 

_ Robert’s heart thumps hard in his chest and he excuses himself, runs outside, pulling his phone as he does. “Aaron, I think you need to hear this.”  _

 

\-- --

 

“I didn’t see anything, Vic.”

 

“I swear his hand twitched, Andy.” 

 

Andy pulls her closer and kisses her temple. He watches Robert still form and silently prays that Robert would do it again. 

 

\-- --

 

_ Robert’s pacing back and forth outside of the courtroom. He can feel Aaron’s mom glaring at him and tries to ignore it. He and Chas didn’t know each other but they both want Aaron to be okay. Paddy sits with her and he gives Robert a thumbs up. He hasn’t changed any since Robert was a kid. He and Emily had always been close to his mum. _

 

_ The doors open and Aaron come through, talking quietly with his barrister. Chas rushes to hug him and Robert stays back, his stomach in knots.  _

 

_ Aaron meets his stare over Chas’ shoulder. “I’m on license for six months..”  _

 

_ Robert can breathe again and he steps forward, bringing Aaron into a hug. _

 

\-- --

 

_ Moving to the village is a simple decision that Robert makes. Aaron is his life if he is honest and as long as they are together it doesn’t matter.  _

 

_ His mom gives him an adoring look, kissing his cheek when he tells her that. “I knew you’d find your way, love.”  _

 

_ \-- -- _

 

_ Aaron convinces him to listen to Andy and think about taking over the business part of the farm.  _

 

_ They are in bed, having finally settled in their flat and Aaron’s got one hand on Robert’s hip, the other running lazy circles over his back as Robert comes in for a cuddle. He’d given notice with the Whites and needs some form of employment. They’ve got enough in savings not to be rushed but Robert hates not having somewhere to go.  _

 

_ Aaron’s already started working with his uncle again though he and Adam are talking about starting a business together.  _

 

_ Robert sighs, “yeah, alright. I’ll think about it.”  _

 

_ Aaron kisses the top of his head and doesn’t say anything but Robert can feel him smiling.  _

 

\-- -- 

 

He is half asleep when he thinks he sees movement from the corner of his eye and Aaron straightens up in his chair. Robert’s breathing is even, his eyes are closed, nothing seems different but Aaron keeps his eyes on Robert for most of the night. 

 

\-- --

 

_ Robert can’t feel anything but heat, burning at the hair on his arms. He shoves at the door harder. He thinks he can hear Andy screaming. “Andy!”  _

 

_ The windows shatter and Robert hides his face from the shards of glass. The explosion had been so big, it had thrown Robert clear outside the barn, collapsed the entrance.  Cain had beaten the confession out of Ross that’s been setting up accidents to make it look like Robert and Andy were trying to commit fraud and he’d admitted to having set a bomb in the barn. Robert had gotten in his car, not hearing Aaron yelling as he tired to get to Andy.  _

 

_ He pries the door open, flames licking at his clothes. He coughs and coughs, searching for a way through the smoke. Andy’s hoarse screams are coming from above and Robert doesn’t think. He runs up the ladder, something catching his feet and before he knows it, he’s falling backward, down into the flames and he thinks of Aaron.  _

 

\-- --

 

“Call an ambulance! Get Cavanaugh now!” Aaron’s holding Robert’s body down as he convulses on the bed. He is frantic, trying to keep Robert from falling off the bed. 

 

“What’s happened?!” Diane runs in followed by Andy and he sees Andy hold Robert on the other side, meets his scared look. 

 

“He just suddenly started to have a fit.” 

 

Aaron swallows hard and begs whoever is listening to help Robert.

 

\-- --

 

_ Robert wakes slowly. He can hear a faint sound like the beep from a machine. It starts beeping faster and he wonder what it is. His mouth is dry and there is something over his face. He tries to pull it off but Aaron’s steely voice stop it.  _

 

_ “Don’t even think about it, do you hear me?”  _

 

_ Robert forces his eyes open and Aaron’s face come into focus, circles under his eyes. His face is red, looks bruised and Robert knows that look. Aaron’s been crying and he pulls at his mask again. “What’ -- what’s wrong, babe? What’s happened?”  _

 

_ Aaron’s looks like he can’t decide whether to murder him or kiss him. Robert thinks idly that the second option is his preference. Aaron reaches up to place Robert’s mask on his face but Robert shakes him off.  _

 

_ He remembers the fire and Andy trapped and he needs to see that his brother -- “Andy?”  _

 

_ Aaron makes a derisive sound, forces him down gently. “Aaron was fine. He had found a room where the fire didn’t reach him. You were the idiot who went up a ladder on fire and fell down.”  _

 

_ Robert remembers the fire -- “How did?”  _

 

_ “Because Cain was right behind you and managed to pull you out of the flames before they killed you that’s how!” Aaron’s yelling, his voice breaking in between gulps of air and Robert reaches out for him. “No! No, I can’t believe you did that, Robert.”  _

 

_ “He’s my brother.”  _

 

_ “I know that.” Aaron stands, his hands his pocket and he whirls on Robert. “But we could have all gone in for him. FIgured out a way without you almost dying. I can’t have you dying on me, Robert. I can’t.” _

 

_ Robert tries to get Aaron closer, his hand hanging in the air. “Aaron, I’m okay.”  _

 

_ Aaron snorts. “Oh, are you? Yeah? You’ve got smoke inhalation and a broken femur, Robert. Last night was supposed to be about us. I had it all planned and you ruined it by trying to play hero, you daft git!”  _

 

_ Robert’s not sure what Aaron means. “What are you going on about?” He sees the box seconds before Aaron says anything and he realizes what it is. His entire body hurts but in that moment his heart is beating out of his chest for a different reason. Tears form in his eyes and he stares at Aaron as he points to the open box.  _

 

_ “This is what I’m talking about. I was going to ask you to marry me.” _

 

_ Robert’s breathing is getting funny. Partly from the lack of oxygen but mostly from his stupid boyfriend’s rant.  _

 

_ He meets Aaron’s wide stare, filled with love and fear and hope. “Of course I’ll marry you, you idiot. I want you more than anything.”  _

 

_ The strength seems to leave Aaron and he is looking at Robert with wonder and disbelief. _

 

_ Robert moves his hand, wiggles his fingers. “You gonna put it on me properly or what?”  _

 

_ Aaron’s face breaks into a watery smile and he moves toward the bed, softly touching Robert’s hand and places the ring where it belongs. He leans down to kiss Robert’s forehead, lets himself kiss him gently and then pulls Robert’s mask over his face so he can breath again.  _

 

_ “I’m not done yelling, just so you know.”  _

 

_ Robert had already guessed that.  _

 

\-- --

 

“So you are saying that Robert moving doesn’t mean anything?” Chrissie stands with her arms crossed and glares at Andy. “I’ve been telling them that for weeks now.” 

 

Aaron’s been hiding in the corner with Adam. The doctors kept insisting that Robert’s fit was just his body’s way of dealing with the fact that Robert’s brain wasn’t functioning like it was supposed. He hadn’t woken up and there was no indication that he ever would. 

 

\-- --

 

_ His mum loves Aaron to bits and Robert is relieved. She’s had a prickly relationship with Katie over the years (although Robert knows they get on now because if he and Katie could, his mother certainly would). She cooks his favorite meal for Sunday lunch and gangs up with him on Robert working too much.  _

_ Robert can’t say the same about his and Chas. They have a long history, some of it not that great, but she doesn’t outright hate him. He thinks he might have won her over a bit by agreeing to take some shifts at the Woolie so she could recover from surgery.  _

 

_ He hadn’t burnt the place down and that was all she could ask for.  _

 

_ It’s a good life.  _

 

_ \-- --  _

 

_ He buries his face in Aaron’s neck, breathes him in and shuffles his feet. His husband --  _ his husband _ \-- pulls back to smirk at him. “I’m still not dancing, this is swaying.”  _

 

_ Robert grins, hands falling to Aaron’s waist and he kisses him, deepens it, brings his hands up to cup Aaron’s face. He hears the whistles and catcalls from their families, grins into the kiss. Aaron’s face has gone slightly red and Robert laughs, lets him lean his head on Robert’s shoulders, he closes his eyes and lets the feelings of happiness wash over them.  _

 

\-- -- 

 

_ Aaron’s at the passengers side, navigating with a map open on his lap, eating the sandwiches Robert had packed for their picnic. He’ll be living this idea for their rest of their married lives.  _

 

_ He takes his aviators off, gaze roaming over the rolling, green hills. He wonders if he should contact Sandy or Tommy. Maybe Louisa. They’d be surprised to see him. He wants them to see how lucky Robert’s been.  _

 

_ “Oi, daydreamer! Get back in. I think I found the way.”  _

 

_ Robert’s tucks his glasses into his pocket and climbs back in, leaning over to kiss his husband. _

 

_ “Alright, then. Where am I going?” _

 

\-- 

_ The floor gives under him and he’s falling, falling and Robert tries to stop it, reaches up and he sees Aaron staring down at him as everything slams against him and he cries out -- _

 

_ “Robert, Robert!”  _

 

_ He sits up on the couch, takes a moment to climb out of the fog of his nightmare. Aaron’s got one hand on his shoulder, the other on his neck and he is trying to bring Robert back into the present.  _

 

_ “I’m sorry, I’m okay.” _

 

_ Aaron glares at him, not believing a word and walks into their kitchen, rummages in one of the many open boxes littering the counters. They’d only just moved into The Mill recently, having spent months restoring and their lives were scattered all over the place.  _

 

_ He watches his husband from the couch.  _

 

_ The nightmares had started after the fire and were getting more intense. He hasn’t told Aaron and hopes they’ll fade away.  _

 

_ Sometimes, he’s the one that falls, Other times it’s Andy, Vic, Aaron, his mum. _

 

_ “Drink this.” _

 

_ He takes the cup of tea without protest, scoots so that Aaron can sit closer. He sips at it slowly, sets it on the table and Aaron’s been watching. He leans in, kisses Aaron softly, loves the way Aaron’s eyes open slowly, the look of love pouring onto Robert. “They getting worse?”  _

 

_ They weren’t so Robert isn’t lying when he shakes his head. “They’ll go away eventually, Aaron.”  _

 

_ His husband doesn’t look convinced but Robert doesn’t want him to worry. “It was probably sleeping down here. Come on, let’s go up” _

 

_ Aaron kisses his cheek, pushes him off the couch. “You go on and I’ll lock up.”  _

 

_ Robert moves up the stairs and into their room. He snorts at the mess he finds. The clothes on the bed he drops on a chair. Smoothing back the covers, he feels Aaron in the doorway before he hears him. _

 

_ “You can always tell me when you’re scared, Rob. You know that.”  _

 

_ Robert turns, throws Aaron a smile over his shoulder. “Yes, babe. You’ve said. I promise, if something’s wrong I’ll tell you, okay? Now come to bed, yeah?” Robert climbs into their bed, follows Aaron as he heads to the other side. He takes hold of Robert’s arm, lies so Robert can rest his head in the space between Aaron’s shoulder and neck.  _

 

_ Robert sighs happily, curls one hand over Aaron’s chest and leans up, kissing his jaw. He trembles a little and a thought makes him say “You’ll be here in the morning, right?” _

 

_ Aaron blinks down at him, runs one hand over his hair. “Robert, tell me what’s wrong?.” _

 

_ Robert rubs his face against Aaron’s chest. “I just -- sometimes I think none of this is real -- our life isn’t real and I’m scared to be alone. That I’ll not have you.”  _

 

_ Aaron squeezes Robert’s hip, lays his other hand over Robert’s. “I’ll always be here, yeah?  No one’s going nowhere. You and me, it’s for life, yeah?” _

 

_ Robert’s eyes squeeze shut as Aaron drops a kiss on his temple,  _

_ Presses them closer together and Robert feels sleep pull him under.  _

 

_ Aaron wasn’t going anywhere.  _

 

\-- -- 

 

It happens out of the blue a few weeks into October. Aaron’s turn to stay with Robert for the night. He’d talked Diane and Andy into letting him do it once a week, so the rest of the family could get a chance on a proper night’s rest. 

 

None of them would admit but it was wearing them all down, the worry that Robert was never waking up, the idea of having to see him like that for the rest of his life. 

 

Aaron had a fight with Paddy over it. He thought Aaron’d be wasting his life waiting for someone who wasn’t going to ever be there. Paddy wants Aaron to stop helping, to get on with it and forget Robert. 

 

He’d not spoken to his dad since. 

 

Forgetting Robert wasn’t an option. 

 

Aaron runs a cool cloth over Robert’s arm, cleaning and refreshing his skin at once. He’ll have to go in search of the lotion they usually keep at the bedside table. Aaron grits his teeth because the only person that ever moves it is Chrissie. He squeezes Robert’s hand and begins to turn…

 

He feels a squeeze in return. His eyes widen as he looks down at Robert’s hand holding on to Aaron’s, fingers curled with Aaron’s. 

 

“Oh my god...Robert?” 

 

Robert’s eyes are still closed but his hand is holding onto Aaron. 

 

“Andy! Vic!” 

 

Robert’s waking up.

 

\-- --

 

Dr. Cavanaugh agrees that Robert beginning to move is a good sign. They hook Robert back up to the machine that monitors his brain waves. The patterns are different, entirely. 

 

“Is that good?” Andy asks with concern and Aaron pats him on the shoulder, offers his support. 

 

“It’s a very good sign, yes.” 

 

They’re to keep talking to Robert. The more he can hear people, the better Dr. Cavanaugh thinks. 

 

Everyone comes in and out all day. Aaron hates it. Wants to be the only one there but he can’t well say that so he takes what he can get. Becomes more of a permanent fixture at the cottage when he’s not working or Adam drags him out for a pint at the pub. His parents have stopped trying to get him to do what they want. Victoria’s began to give him a secret smile whenever she sees him. He couldn’t care at all. 

 

He’s taken to bringing his tea to sit and eat it with Robert, chatting with him about annoying clients and the stupid things that Dan gets up to on a daily, his mum’s mithering and Paddy’s concern. 

 

“They don’t want to listen, do they?” Aaron chews on the last of his sarnie, and glances down at Robert. “I know I say I’m moving out everyday, but I mean it this time, Robert. I can’t live the-” 

 

The last of Aaron’s words get lost as he sees Robert’s fingers move. Not a twitch like they’ve been doing but actual movement. He dares to look up and finds Robert’s eyes half opened, staring right at him. There’s a quirk at Robert’s lips, and he swallows, tries to form a word. 

 

“Aaron.” 

 

It’s barely a sound, more like a whisper but Aaron drops his food, stands to come to Robert. 

 

“Robert, oh my god.” 

 

Robert’s face contorts with confusion but he’s still trying to smile, his hand reaches for Aaron and it’s everything. Aaron doesn’t care what might happen, but he has to make this real, make sure Robert is back. He leans down and places a soft kiss on Robert’s lips, feels when Robert returns it and it’s too much and not enough.  He shouldn’t do this but he needs to taste Robert, feel him alive before he’s to share him, to lose him. 

 

He hears Robert’s soft “hi” and he’s crying through his laugh, tries to stop because Robert’s starting to look more than bewildered. “I’m gonna get Andy and Vic. We need to get the doctor, yeah? Please, please don’t close your eyes, okay?” 

 

He’s yelling, calling for the family, getting his cell out and making the call to Dr. Cavanaugh. 

 

The only real thought in his head is that Robert is awake. 

 

\-- --

 

Robert’s struggling to keep his eyes open. He doesn’t know how he ended up here. Victoria is crying and Andy looks about ready to fall apart. He glances behind and notices that Diane’s just come in. His throat hurts too much to make more than sounds. 

 

“Get him some water.” 

 

There’s a straw at his lips and he gulps down too quickly, starts to choke some. Diane’s petting his head. “Slowly, Robert. That’s better, pet.” 

 

He opens to ask about his mum, to ask after Aaron when Chrissie runs in the door. The rooms already crowded and she elbows past his sister and stepmom. Robert doesn’t understand what she is doing there. He has no clue why he is in this bed, where Aaron disappeared to. Lawrence looms in the doorway and Robert feels ill. 

 

Something’s wrong. 

 

Chrissie hugs him tightly, kisses his head and Robert’s pushing at her, shoves at her shoulder to get her to let him go. His strength is weak but Chrissie senses his distress, moves away, frowning, tears on her cheeks. 

 

“Robert?”

 

He shakes his head. He is having trouble breathing and Andy moves closer, grips his hand. “Rob, it’s okay. It’s okay.” 

 

But it’s not. It isn’t. He needs his husband. 

 

He looks at his brother, his throat working to get the words loose. “Whe- I need -” 

 

“Take your time, Robert.” 

 

His gaze flickers to Chrissie, standing at his side, a look on her face he doesn’t understand. 

 

He pushes each word out until they make sense. 

 

“...where..is..Aaron?” 

 

Katie enters the room and Robert meets her stare, smiles a little and she frowns slightly at him. His smile falls and he pulls his hand from his brother. None of this makes sense. He went to sleep next to his husband, in their home and now it’s not...he doesn’t understand. 

 

“Where...is...Aaron?” His voice is louder, clear. He pushes Chrissie’s hands away. “Why...Chrissie...here?” They haven’t spoken for months and they weren’t really friends. Lawrence hates him. He tries to move, to get up, to go find Aaron. 

 

“Whoa, Rob, no. You can’t get up.” Andy pushes him back into bed and Robert needs to be away from all of them. His breathing picks up and when he pulls up, something pushes him back down. He realizes he has something on his head, and for the first time he sees the machines around him, the monitor next to the bed. 

 

It stops him, confuses him ever more. “Get Aaron. Please.” He is looking at Andy. Why would they all be there? Where did Aaron go? And his mum...his mum...she should be there.

 

“Robert, calm down.” Chrissie’s voice is strained, angry and his frown deepens. He find his sister in the back, using her phone, and he turns his gaze on Katie. “Aaron.” 

  
She nods once and steps out of the room like she understood him. Finally. 

 

All he wants is Aaron.

 

Chrissie attempts to soothe him but he brushes her off. 

 

“Stop.” 

 

“Robert.” Her face crumbles and he can’t care. This isn’t right. Something’s wrong. There are a million thoughts in his head, it’s hurting so much, banging banging banging and Robert curls his hands around his head, can’t deal with it. 

 

“Stop stop stop.” 

 

“Rob?”

 

Andy sounds scared, that comes through and Robert feels the same way. 

 

“Get Aaron. Please, I need Aaron.” 

 

“Why Aaron, Robert? I don’t understand --” 

 

Robert pulls his hands away, looks to her and he finds his voice somewhere, enough strength to yell. 

 

“Because I want my husband!” 

 

The words ring loudly in the room as Aaron comes in through the door, a stricken look on his face.

 

\-- --

 

Dr. Cavanaugh orders them to leave him alone with Robert, kicks the lot downstairs. Aaron’s too shocked to move but Andy’s hand wraps around his upper arm, guides him down the stairs and they all file in silence to the sitting room. 

 

The yelling begins almost immediately. Chrissie screams at Aaron, accusing him of all sorts. “What have you done to him?”

 

Aaron’s fists clench at his sides. “Nothing.” He says through gritted teeth and it takes everything in him not to tell her to get out his way. Not to run up those stairs and demand that Robert explain what he’s doing. 

 

“You expect me to believe that?” She whirls on Andy, points a finger at him. “Is this why you’ve let him be here and not me?”

 

Andy shakes his head. “Don’t be daft, Chrissie. Obviously something’s happened with Rob but Aaron’s not to blame.” 

 

Aaron exchanges a glance with Katie. She shifts her gaze, stares at the floor, her arms crossed, and she can’t look at Aaron. 

 

He lets out a hysterical giggles, runs his hand through his head. “I don’t know what’s happening.” 

 

Robert had asked for Aaron. He’d heard him when he was coming up the stairs with the doctor. He’d called Aaron his husband. 

 

Diane walks to his side. “It’s okay, Aaron. I’m sure there’s an explanation.” She glares at everyone in the room. “We’ll just need to wait until Dr. Cavanaugh finishes speaking with Robert. He’ll sort it.” 

 

They stand in silence for a few minutes until they hear footsteps coming down the stairs and they all turn at once. Chrissie rushes to the doctor, pleading for an explanation. “What’s wrong with Robert? What is it?”

 

Dr. Cavanaugh sighs, rubs his eyes with one hand before speaking. “Robert’s had a traumatic brain injury.” 

 

“I know that! But why -- why was he wanting Aaron? He called him his husband.” 

 

Dr. Cavanaugh nods. “Yes. Because in Robert’s mind, he believes that is who Aaron is.” 

 

There is no sound in the room and Dr. Cavanaugh clears his throat, wipes at his brow then motions for them all to gather together. “Let’s just -- please, sit down.” 

 

Aaron finds an armchair far from the rest of them who crowd around the loveseat and sofa. Dr. Cavanaugh sits on the coffee table and addresses them all. “Robert has been in a sort of fugue state. As far as I can figure, while he was in the coma, he dreamt up an entirely different life. His brain is a jumbled mess, and he suffered an incredibly complicated brain injury.” 

 

“What the hell does that even mean?” Chrissie voice is rage filled, and she’s pacing the floor. “What -- he dreamt that he married  _ him _ ?!”

 

Aaron keeps his eyes on the table, on Dr. Cavanaugh, swallows down his words. 

 

“I -- yes? I’m not an expert in this field but essentially, yes, Robert believes Aaron’s his husband.” 

 

Andy shakes his head. “So he’s got amnesia?” 

 

Dr. Cavanaugh shakes his head. “No. Not exactly. Robert knows who he. He knows all of you. He remembers himself. It’s -- it’s more like the memories of his life have been replaced with memories his brain made up, events that he dreamed and he’s -- he is just confused.” 

 

“But Rob’s not gay. I mean - he wasn’t before, was he?” Andy turns his gaze to Aaron, must see something on Aaron’s face and he blinks, his eyes closing as he makes a connection. He turns to Katie and Aaron sees a conversation, silent and quick, pass between them. Andy hangs his head. “Oh, jesus, Robert.” 

 

Diane and Victoria sit together in silence, holding onto each other, Aaron can see they are not sure what is happening. None of them are. 

 

Chrissie is staring at him, Aaron can feel her and he’s done hiding. It’s too late now and he won’t. Not anymore. He meets her stare, takes in her thunderous expression. “I need to see him.” 

 

“No, he is too confused. He won’t have any answers for you.” Dr. Cavanaugh tries to explain but Chrissie is done listening to him. 

 

“I don’t care how he feels!! I want to know right now what is wrong with his brain! Is he going to be like this always? I can’t have that.” 

 

There’s a rush of rage that make Aaron’s hearing go, all he can focus on is his breathing. He opens and closes his hands, trying as best he can to temper his anger. She doesn’t care about Robert’s health. 

 

“How did you do it?” 

 

Aaron raises an eyebrow. “You what?”

 

“You’ve been talking to him, telling him all sorts.” 

 

“Chrissie!” 

 

She stands, comes at him and Aaron rises to meet her face to face. “Is that why you’ve been following after him all this time? You been trying to get him.” 

 

He feels it all come up to surface. All the anger and bitterness and pain and fears he’s been carrying since Robert’s accident. All the times he wanted to stay and be the person that got to be with Robert. All the times Robert left for her. He snorts derisively. “I never chased him. He came after me.” 

 

He hears the gasps in the room but doesn’t care. Chrissie’s frozen in her spot. “No -- he wouldn’t.” 

 

Aaron shrugs. “Where do you think he’s been all those times he went away on business? He was with me.” His voice is starting to rise but he doesn’t care anymore. “All those times he worked late? Why he missed your Boxing Day trip? Because he was with me!” 

 

Everything stops for a second and then Chrissie lets out a scream that makes Aaron’s blood curl. He waits for her to come at him but she doesn’t. Instead, she turns and runs up the stairs. Towards Robert. 

 

Aaron runs after her, tells her to stop, Andy and Vic on his heels. When they reach the room, Chrissie’s on Robert, punching and screaming, scratching at his face and skin. 

 

Robert’s terrified expression is all Aaron can see. He sees Robert’s mouth form his name as he looks at him, hands and arms raised to fend off Chrissie’s attack. Aaron’s going to --

 

He doesn’t get a chance. Andy and Vic are there, pulling Chrissie away. 

 

“Get off him!”

 

“Oi! Stop it.” 

 

They block her path to Robert and Katie is behind Chrissie the next second, holding her back. Lawrence is trying to calm her. Aaron watches them as Katie forces Chrissie out, closes the door behind them. 

 

Aaron refocuses on Robert, the confusion and fear on his face. He moves in closer, reaches for Robert’s hand. “Hey. Hey. It’s okay, alright?” 

 

Robert’s eyes lock with his and he seems to calm, grips Aaron’s hand and pulls him closer. “What -- I don’t understand any of this, babe?” He turns a questioning look up at Aaron and it’s all too much for him. Aaron cant’ be here right now. He pulls his hand out of Robert’s and starts for the door. 

 

He can hear Robert calling his name but he needs to run. To get away from all of this. From the cruelty of fate and the way Robert looks at him with eyes full of love. 

 

\-- --

 

Katie pushes Lawrence and Chrissie down the stairs. “You need to leave. Now.” Chrissie is a wreck and Katie wishes she could help her even if she deserved what she got for not listening. 

 

Chrissie points a finger at Katie. “You’re loving this, aren’t you?” 

 

Katie stands up straighter, shakes her head. “No, Chrissie, I’m not. I didn’t want any of this. Not you in pain. Not Robert hurt. I only wanted to spare you any of it.” 

 

Chrissie’s laugh is mirthless. “You were right about him. He was fucking around on me. Just not the way we thought. He was gay all this time?” 

 

Katie’s not sure what to say. She doesn’t have any idea what happens inside Robert Sugden’s head. 

 

“Money. That’s all he wanted.” 

 

“I don’t know, Chrissie. I think...it’s more complicated than that.” 

 

Chrissie makes a low sound and she’s shaking, Lawrence is guiding her away, out the door. “Well, he’s got another thing coming. You hear me?” They are gone and Katie closes the door behind them, leans against it and closes her eyes. 

 

Robert’s made a mess like always. 

 

There’s conversation coming from the kitchen, the sound of Andy and Vic arguing as they come down the stairs, Aaron trailing behind them quietly. Diane and Dr. Cavanaugh appear through a different door and Katie tries to decipher what everyone is saying. Her gaze falls on Aaron, who looks stricken and unsure. She remembers that he’s barely twenty-three and this isn’t what he needs. 

 

She frowns as a thought forms. 

 

Robert could be lying. This might be another one of his manipulations to -- but why would he admit anything with Aaron? Maybe to get one foot ahead. 

 

She moves toward the stairs, climbs them quickly and enters the room. Robert’s sat up, his face a complicated mix of emotions. When the door opens and he sees that it’s her, his face falls immediately. He smiles kindly a second later though and it gives her pause. It’s been a long time since Robert’s looked at her with anything other than dislike. 

 

“Hi.” 

 

“What are you doing, Robert?” 

 

The confusion is back on his face and something else, a flash of irritation that is more like the Robert she knows. 

 

“I don’t have a clue what I’m doing here, Katie. Was there an accident? The last thing I remember is falling asleep in my bed, next to my husband and then I wake up here, with people arguing and fighting and Aaron running from me -- I just -- tell me what’s happened.” 

 

Katie wavers. Robert looks sincere, his confusion real and she -- he is good at lies though --

 

He lets out a frustrated sigh. “Katie, I know you and me aren’t close but we’ve -- we get on for the family. So, please, just tell me something.” She doesn’t answer and he closes his eyes, spits out an angry, “fine.” He moves his hand to his head, winces. “Could you at least get mum? Where is she?” 

 

Katie’s heart stutters and her breath catches. He must -- “Diane?” 

 

Robert gives her a befuddled look. “No. My mother. Not my stepmom.” 

 

This isn't happening. Robert would never use -- 

 

“You want your mum? Sarah?” 

 

Robert leans back, closes his eyes as he lays his head on his pillow. “Do I have any other mother?” He opens his eyes and they look tired, sad. “Why isn’t she here?” 

 

“I -- give me a minute, Rob.” 

 

Katie leaves the room, closes the door gently and leans her head against it. This couldn’t be happening. She almost runs down the stairs, stops at the bottom. Her gaze meets Aaron’s and he jumps up from where he was speaking to Andy. They both stare at her. 

 

“We have a problem.” 

 

Everyone stops and she can feel her throat fill with tears. 

 

“Robert’s asking for his mum.” 

 

Victoria covers her mouth with her hand, tears filling up her eyes, Andy runs a hand over his head. Katie’s gaze stops on Aaron who is frozen, his head shaking slowly. 

 

“He thinks Sarah is alive.” 

 

\-- -- 

 

Dr. Cavanaugh says they have to tell Robert. That it might trigger a real memory. His eyes are soft with sympathy when he says that it would be better to tell Robert now. 

 

Andy and Vic decide they should be the ones and start moving to the stairs, holding on to each other as they do. 

 

Aaron hesitates, wants to be there because this could break Robert, but he’s not sure of he’d be welcome. 

 

Katie gets his attention, motions for him to follow, and he does, stepping into the room behind Robert’s brother and sister. 

 

Robert looks at each of them, frown line forming on his brow, and his stare lingers on Aaron before he forces to his brother. “Andy, what’s happened? Katie left after I asked...did she go find mum?” 

 

Andy opens his mouth to speak, his chin trembles, breath catching. “Rob...I need to tell you something.” 

 

\-- -- 

 

Robert sits without moving when Andy finishes telling him about their mother. That Sarah has been dead for years. About the fire that took her. He can tell Andy’s not telling him everything. That he’s lying. Their mum wasn’t -- he shakes his head vehemently. “No, it was you. You were in the fire and I got you out. Mum wasn’t -- she -- “ 

 

Aaron stands next to Robert, by the head of his bed and Robert reaches out for him, feels the wave of dread and panic ease when Aaron reaches back, holds his hand. He moves even closer, pulls one hand over Robert’s hair. 

 

“They aren’t lying, Robert. Your mum -- she’s been gone a long time.” 

 

Aaron doesn’t lie to him. Never has and Robert lets the grief bubble and overflow, lets out a sob. Victoria tries to comfort but Robert pushes her away, turns his body toward his husband. He feels Aaron’s arms wrap around, and Aaron’s kissing his head, whispering apologies, trying to reassure Robert. 

 

His mum’s dead. Gone. He didn’t get to say goodbye. He didn’t get to tell her he loves her. 

 

_ She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone. _

 

He realizes he’s saying the words in his head out loud. Aaron’s arms tighten around him. There’s a woman he doesn't’ know next to him. She gives him an injection. 

 

“It’s only a sedative, love.” 

 

He feels the heaviness of sleep overtake him, everything numbs and the only sensation he has until he falls into the abyss is Aaron’s hand.

 

\-- --

 

When he wakes up, there is no light streaming in the windows. It’s pitch dark and he turns his head slightly, allows himself to look at Aaron. He seems different. Younger, sadder and unsure. Robert clears his throat and Aaron’s eyes blink open. He gives Robert a small smile. “Hi. You alright?” 

 

He is far from that. 

 

“Aaron --” his gaze fall to Aaron’s hand and he realizes Aaron’s not wearing his ring. “Did -- are we not -- what’s happened? The doctor had said we weren’t --” 

 

Aaron sits up but keeps his distance from Robert and Robert hates that so much. They don’t do that. Especially not when it’s just the two of them. He needs his husband. 

 

“We aren’t married, Robert. We never were.” 

 

“But-” 

 

“It was a dream or summat. I’m not even sure but it’s not real.” 

 

Robert doesn’t believe it. Aaron had been -- their life was everything. 

 

“I remember --” 

 

“You were about to marry Chrissie, Robert, when you fell through the floor in the barn and almost died.”

 

He nods, listening to Aaron, not wanting to believe but Aaron’s not a liar. “So, we never --” 

 

Aaron pauses for just a fraction of a second before meeting Robert’s eyes. 

 

“No, we -- we did. We were sleeping together.” 

 

The knock on the door interrupts them and Robert tears his gaze away to see the doctor who’d come to see him before standing in the doorway. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

 

“But you did.” 

 

Aaron gives him a look. “Robert, Dr. Cavanaugh has been with you from the beginning, okay? He just wants to help.” 

 

Robert holds back from saying what he wants to and brings his attention back to the doctor. “What’s going with me?” Aaron’s moved to stand next to him and Robert reaches for him, twines their fingers together. Aaron’s hands are shaking but he grips Robert’s hand in return. 

 

Dr. Cavanaugh sits on the edge of the bed. “I’ve spoken to a colleague of mine, Dr. Rivers. She wants to run some tests. I have her flying in tomorrow. She works with this kind of brain injury and will be able to give us a better idea what we are facing.” 

 

Aaron speaks up as Robert tries to wrap his head around the fact that he’s woken up in a world he doesn’t recognize. 

 

“What is your best guess?” 

 

The doctor sighs, rubs at his tired eyes. “Our brains are still mostly a mystery, Aaron. What do In think happened? I think Robert’s brain did what it had to do to deal with a trauma. It was healing but like any machine, it’s wires got crossed.” 

 

“So, I -- none of what I remember is real? I don’t --” he releases Robert’s hand, pulls in on himself. “I’m not married to Aaron, then? My mum’s dead?” 

 

“What you remember feels real to you, Robert. It will until your memories -- the ones you didn’t make in a coma -- return.” 

 

“Will they disappear? The memories I have now -- will they just go away?” 

 

Dr. Cavanaugh shakes his head. “I honestly don’t have an answer for you, Robert. I am so sorry.” 

 

He can’t look at Aaron. When he does all he sees is he the absence of what he and Aaron are in his eyes. That hurts almost as much as knowing that the mother he loves is gone. 

 

“It might take a long time, Robert, for you to remember yourself.” 

 

Robert frowns. “I know who I am.” 

 

Aaron shifts next to him but Robert keeps his stare on the doctor. “Do you think I’ll remember?” 

 

Dr. Cavanaugh meets his stare. “I do. But I think it could take some time. Days, months, maybe years, Robert. For right now what you need more than anything is to rest and surround yourself with people who love.” 

 

Aaron’s presence at his side is heavy as those words worm into his chest, makes it ache. 

 

\-- --

 

He avoids Robert for days and Aaron’s more ashamed of that then anything but he can’t handle the way Robert looks at him. As if Aaron is everything he has ever wanted. 

 

It’s all a lie though, wasn’t it? 

 

After the doctor had left, Robert had been quiet and Aaron had sat back down, waiting for the questions he was sure Robert would have. 

 

It had not taken long.

 

“Why -- why was I marrying Chrissie?” 

 

Aaron couldn’t answer that question except with what he thought was the truth. “Because you love her.” 

 

Robert’s shaking his head. “I love you, Aaron. It makes no sense.” 

 

Aaron’s heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t breathe. “Don’t, Robert.” 

 

The expression on Robert’s face was guileless and Aaron could tell he wanted to say it again. 

 

“You never loved me. That’s not what we were. Ever.” 

 

He’d left after that unable to take the devastation he could feel radiating from Robert. 

 

He calls Victoria every day to make sure Robert is mending, that he is doing what he needs to get better and she doesn’t reprimand him, isn’t trying to make him feel bad. 

 

When Chrissie tells the entire pub that he and Robert were having an affair, Aaron’s glad that Robert can’t be out in the village yet. 

 

His mom’s reaction alone had been enough to level the village.

 

“What the hell were you thinking?” she’d screamed. “Sugden is a piece of trash. What is wrong with you for getting involved?” 

 

Paddy’s trying to be the mediator, holds Chas at bay. He reminds her that we can’t help who we fall for and that each of them had made mistakes.

 

Aaron too anger to stop himself. “She likes to forget what she did to you and to Dan.” 

 

“That’s not the same-” 

 

Aaron stops her with one look. 

 

“Sugden is --” 

 

“What? A mess of a human being? So am I. Lost? We all are. What has Robert done that was any different than what we’ve all done? What?” 

 

Her silence is enough of an answer and he leaves her there. 

 

The village’s been talking about his affair with Robert for days now and Chrissie’s been banned from the pub after she’d attacked Aaron. Conversations stop when he walks into the cafe and Davids. He can’t stay at home so he throws himself into his work. He and Adam are making new contacts every day and he has enough pickups that he can spend all day out of the village. 

 

Nights are harder. 

 

He wants to see Robert and every day that passes he can’t convince himself that it’s better for him not to. 

 

He misses Robert like breathing. 

 

\-- --

 

Robert’s coping as best he can. 

 

So much of what he thinks he knows isn’t true.

 

He’s not the love of Aaron’s life here. 

 

Andy is protective but Robert knows there is something holding them apart. 

 

Victoria is sadder, older in so many ways.

 

Diane treats him differently then she does anyone else. 

 

His mum is dead.

 

There will be moments where Robert forgets and when he remembers, it’s like someone’s punched a hole in his chest. 

 

Robert’s coping as best he can.

 

\-- --

 

Days bleed into more days. 

 

Robert starts physical therapy almost immediately. His muscles are weak after so many months of not using them. There are tests that need to be run, appointments to be made. Dr. Rivers thinks that Robert’s brain trauma can and will heal with time. He can push away his thoughts during the day. 

 

It’s the nights that are hard. He wants to be in the home he built with Aaron. He wants to have dinner at Andy’s with his mother. He misses working on the farm’s finances. Nights let him think about all the ways he’s ruined people’s life: his own, Aaron’s, Chrissie, apparently Katie and Andy’s. 

 

He’d been sleeping with Aaron while he planned to marry Chrissie. That wasn’t shocking if what he thought was true. He’d never come out to anyone not even himself. Aaron had sat at Robert’s bedside and told him everything. That Robert had ultimately chosen someone else. The person he thought he was would never have done that but he still remembers what the boy he once was would do. 

 

Diane and Andy and Victoria had read him the riot act. He’d should have told them the truth about who he was. They’d not said the word for fear of upsetting him but Robert wanted to scream that he is bisexual. 

 

But that didn’t matter because he was in love with Aaron and Aaron was the only person he wants. 

 

Tonight, they’d decided to eat their tea with Robert in his room. He’s glad they are there, that he has them. He wishes he could remember Diane better. Victoria’s told him that she’d been a good stepmom to them, that she’d loved them and tried to take care of them. 

 

All he knows is that his mother had been the one to help him through everything and he misses her so deeply. His grief is fresh and there are moments where he’ll want to call her and then he remembers he can’t. 

 

He brings his attention back to the room, listens as Andy tells a story about little Sarah. Robert’s not eating, moving his food around his plate to make it look as if he’d eaten.

 

“You really think that trick is going to work.”    
  


Aaron’s smiling at him from the door and Robert straightens up, smiles back without meaning to. Aaron motion at Robert’s food. “You planning to eat that?” 

 

Robert follows Aaron’s path into the room, drinks in his presence as he hugs Diane, teases Vic and holds a quiet conversation with his brother. They make room for Aaron and Diane brings him a plate from the kitchen. He takes the seat right next to Robert’s. 

 

And Robert knows that whatever happened before didn’t matter. 

 

He knows Aaron and how he feels about him. 

 

Nothing would change that. 

 

Robert wants his husband, needs him to get through this and it won’t matter how he manages to have him. Maybe Aaron doesn’t love him but he cares and Robert can work with that.

 

\-- --

 

“I can’t believe she’s done this to you.” 

 

Aaron looks up as Robert and Vic walk into the pub. He notices his mom immediately tense and he sees her start to say something but one look from him and she stops herself. 

 

Robert lets Vic chose a booth, glances at Aaron and smiles softly at him then joins his sister. Aaron pours them two pints and an orange juice for Victoria, heads to their table. 

 

“What’s going on?” 

 

Robert scoots down the booth and Aaron’s sat flush against him, thighs touching and he has to remember that he needs to keep his head. Robert doesn’t know him, not the real him. He has an Aaron he made up in his head and that’s the one he loves. 

 

“Chrissie’s closed down all of Robert’s accounts. Lawrence’s fired him and they’ve told all their business contact that Robert committed fraud.”

 

“How did you --” 

 

Robert gives him a telling look and smirks. “Because I’m not straight, you see.” 

 

Aaron rolls his eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

 

“No.” Aaron watches as Robert calmly sips at his pint and shrugs away the fact that he now has nothing. “It’s not like it’s a lie, Aaron. I knew full well that I wasn’t going to be able to give her what needed. I just couldn’t admit it.” 

 

Aaron’s not so calm. “She took everything, Robert.” 

 

Robert gives Aaron his half smile, the one that drives Aaron crazy, takes a another sip. “It was mostly hers. The money, the house, and the job were hers, weren’t they?” 

 

Victoria shakes her head. “No, Robert. You saved that company. You earned your job.”

 

“I imagine that when she said I slept my way in, she probably isn’t wrong. It’s fine, Vic. I’m not completely broke. I had a call from an old friend. He was calling to make sure I was okay after the accident. He also wanted to remind me that I had some investments coming in. Apparently, I had enough self awareness to have an escape plan.” 

 

Aaron grins at him and relaxes back into his seat, his gaze on Robert’s face as he makes Victoria laugh. There are moments when he can see his Robert. But it’s softer, kinder and he knows that he’s going to give every piece of his heart to Robert even if he can’t have him. 

 

\-- --

 

Lawrence is waiting in the living room when Robert returns from his appointment. He faces Robert and they stand across from one another. Robert remembers only the Lawrence in his other -- the one he’d made up and he’d been a tyrant. A man scared of the truth. 

 

This one isn’t much different so maybe that had stayed the same. 

 

“Lawrence.”

 

He thrusts some papers at Robert. “I suggest you sign these.” 

 

Robert takes the papers, scans them and then folds them, dropping them on the side table. “I will when I’ve read them first.” Lawrence starts to protest but Robert holds one hand up. “I’m not looking to stall but your daughter is determined to destroy me. I am not signing anything without first looking at it. Period.”

 

Lawrence contemplates what Robert’s said then seems to agree, moves around Robert to exit. “Have them signed and delivered to us by tomorrow.” He stops at the door and turns. “You had everything. My daughter is worth so much more than you. How could you?” 

 

Robert can’t disagree probably. Chrissie was a force to be reckoned with. She was what Robert should have wanted. “She deserves someone who loves her. That’s not me. I think I wanted it to be me if we’re being honest. I spent years trying to be the man others wanted me to be. I was too afraid to be myself.” Robert looks up at Lawrence from under his eye lashes. “I don’t want to end up like you, Lawrence. Pretending that what I have is enough. I can’t live like that. I don’t think I ever could have. I would have ended up destroying Chrissie even more in the end.” 

 

Lawrence seems to want to say something but in the end he leaves and Robert stands in the wake of his own truth, feeling for the first time since he’s woken in this strange world like he might know where he was going. 

 

\-- --

 

Chas sees it happening and can’t find a way to stop it. Not in any permanent way. Aaron keeps pulling away the more she pushes and Robert’s family protects him as much as they can. Diane had even warned Chas away, telling her to let Robert and Aaron work it on their own. 

 

Aaron’s in the corner, laughing at something Robert’s said, Vic sits on their other sad, looking at them with adoring eyes. Robert leans into Aaron’s space and her son smiles widely, nods and then blushes when Robert kisses his cheek. 

 

This has to stop. 

 

She moves around the bar but before she can reach either one of them, Paddy stops her, hauls her back and into the hallway. 

 

“What you think your doing?”

 

“He’s falling for Sugden’s lies again.”

 

Paddy rubs at his bald head. “For the last time, Chas. Let Aaron do this on his own. Stop pushing. And maybe you could try to give Robert a chance,”’

 

“Chance? He is a master manipulator, Paddy. You know what he was like before.” 

 

“Yeah, he cheated. None of us can judge though, can we?” 

 

“And when he left before? Remember that?” 

 

Paddy places his hands on her shoulders, tries to calm her down. “Are you seriously going to hold the mistakes he made as a boy against him?” 

 

Chas raises an eyebrow and Paddy gives up. 

 

“Fine.” Paddy lets her go. “But remember that I tried to warn you and you didn’t listen. Whatever you want to do is going to blow up in your face.” 

 

She storms up to the table, points a finger at Robert and then motions for him to join her in the back. She waits until he’s following before heading back there. Aaron gets up and she glares at him until he stops. He looks at Robert who waves him away. Aaron frowns at them as they disappear to the back. 

 

Robert steps in before her and when she stomps into the room, he is leaning against an armchair, waiting.

 

“I know you, Sugden.”

 

There’s a flicker of something she can’t read on his face. It isn’t important. “You are going to use my son the way you use everyone you say you love. You’ll leave him shattered and I’ll have to pick up the pieces. “ 

 

Robert takes a moment to close his eyes and when he opens them to meet her angry glare, they are clear and full of so much emotion that Chas can barely keep her eyes on his. 

 

“I love him, Chas. You don’t understand. He’s everything.” 

 

It gives her pause because she does believe him in that moment. There’s no pretense, no lies. She believes that he believes what he is saying. “Damn it, Robert.” She hangs her head, breathes deeply and moves in closer. “I think you mean that, I do. I believe you mean it. But you can’t help who you are. You have always hurt people. Even when you have good intentions.” 

 

She takes a step back, sits on the opposite side of the chair and their only a few spaces apart. “Do you remember what happened with Jackson?” 

 

Robert flinches and Chas takes that as a yes. “He almost died after Jackson, Robert. He was left in bits. I don’t want that to happen and, love, I think we both know that it will.” 

 

Something she’s said agitates Robert and he moves away from her, stands with his arms crossed, the saddest expression on his face. 

 

Chas wonders out loud why he looks so sad.

 

Robert shrugs. “We were -- close.”

 

Chas frowns.   
  


Robert points to his head. “In here. Before. You know -- we were close. I mean, not like we did each other nails or anything.” The joke falls flat but Robert recovers, stands straight. “You were my friend.” 

 

Chas swallows, feels a weight of guilt and doubt on her shoulders but this is her son. “I’m sorry. This -- I didn’t realize it was so hard for you.”

 

Robert snorts. “I fall asleep one night with my husband in our house. My mother is alive, my family’s close with yours, I’ve found my place. The next moment I’ve woken up in a nightmare where everything I always hated about myself is the reality and everything I’ve ever really wanted was a dream.” He gives her a sad half smile. “It’s not been the easiest few weeks, no.”

 

“Robert.” 

 

He waves away whatever she is going to say. “You really believe that Aaron will -- that’ll be hurt by this? That he might --” 

 

She isn’t sure anymore but in for a pound…

 

“I think that he’ll be the one that pays the most when you remember who you are and run back to Chrissie, begging her forgiveness. That it will destroy him when you leave. And you will because you always do.” 

 

There’s a long silence where Chas can hear the sounds of the pub, the ticking of the clock  as the hour turns. 

 

Robert breaks it finally.

 

“I’ll stay away from Aaron.” 

 

He leaves through the front entrance before she can respond and Chas follows his progress as he does, dread pooling in her stomach. 

 

\-- --

 

He really tries to keep away from Aaron without cutting him out of his life completely. Robert can barely manage not talking to him. He doesn’t want Aaron to think he’s done something wrong. It’s a difficult balance . He wants to call Aaron every time something new happens. He normally would but he thinks that part of what Chas said isn’t wrong. He wants so much from Aaron but he’s not sure if he could be enough for him anymore. The Robert Aaron loves isn’t who he is. 

 

Robert’s done many things to hurt Aaron, hadn’t cared much that he did or at least that’s what he’d told himself. He’d been selfish and his first instinct is still to take what he wants, damn the consequences. But he can’t do that anymore. 

 

Even to ease the empty space inside him where Aaron belongs. 

 

It’s easier to put Aaron off when he needs to find a job and a place to live. The first happens by chance. He overhear Nicola moaning that she and Jimmy need a partner for the haulage firm. It doesn’t take long for Robert ot come up with a business plan. He spends some days working on it and can honestly tell Aaron he’s busy. 

 

They have a few close calls. It’s a small village and you can only avoid someone without looking like you are for so long. He runs into Aaron while waiting for the cafe to open up. 

 

Aaron sees him at the door, grins suddenly and before Robert knows it, they are sitting together, having coffee before work. It feels so familiar to what he remembers from that life and the ache in his chest subsides. He forgets for one minute, reaches out to tangle his fingers with Aaron and Aaron’s tiny smile as their hands touch is everything.

 

Then Robert remember, realizes what he’s doing and extracts his hand as gently as he can. 

 

Aaron’s answering frown stays on his mind all day. 

 

He only wants Aaron to be happy and that’s not with Robert. 

 

\-- --

 

Robert’s been acting different. 

 

Aaron knows that no one else notices because they act like nothing’s wrong but he knows Robert. He’s gotten to know this Robert over the months and there’s something off. 

 

It’s a subtle change and Aaron doesn’t even pick up on it immediately. They have to deal with the Whites leaving the village which doesn’t change anything for either of them at all but they close down the businesses they had leaving a few villagers stuck. 

 

Those villagers harress Robert until he manages to convince them that he no longer had anything to do with them. 

 

To Aaron’s surprise, Robert approaches Jimmy and Nicola about investing in their haulage firm. He tells him excitedly about it when Aaron manages to track him down after he doesn’t answer Aaron’s calls. Aaron soaks in Robert’s happiness, his energy and it’s like Robert’s himself. He starts to tell Aaron how he’d manage to buy Jacob’s Fold from Eric, reaches out to touch Aaron’s hand and then freezes. His face does this complicated dance and he tries to subtly pull away. 

 

But Aaron sees it and on their next chance to be alone, he confronts Robert. 

 

Robert’s coming out of the loo and Aaron waits for him in the hallway. 

 

“What’s going on, Rob?”

 

Robert jumps slightly and then searches around the space as if looking for somewhere to go. “Nothing’s wrong. Let’s go back in.” He takes a step backward when Aaron steps in his way.

 

An idea forms in Aaron’s head about what this might be. 

 

“Why have you stopped touching me?” 

 

Robert drops his face into one hand. “I don’t want -- this isn’t fair on ya, is it, Aaron? All of this that I --” 

 

“That you what?” 

 

“That I want! Everything that I want and you don’t --”

 

“Who ever said I didn’t want what you have to give, Robert?” He’s got an idea about the answer to that question. 

 

Robert stares at him for a long stretch of time. Then, closing the distance between them, Robert grabs at the waist of Aaron’s trouser, jerks hard. Aaron stumbles into him, brings his hand up to steady himself. Aaron’s heart beats soundly and when Robert’s lips crash against his own, he gasps against the sensation that unfurls everywhere. It has been so long since they’ve touched like this and every memory comes crashing back into Aaron’s head. 

 

The world tilts and then rights itself. 

 

Aaron moans softly and that seems to push Robert into action. He walks Aaron backwards until his back hits the wall. One hand frames Aaron’s face and the other trails down to Aaron’s waist.

 

Aaron trembles, his fingers reaching up to hold Robert at the back of his neck. He tilts his head for a better angle and allows his tongue to tease Robert’s with a soft swirl. He scrambles to grip Robert’s shoulder with his other hand when Robert pushes into harder, deepens the kiss until Aaron can’t breathe. 

 

The only sounds he can hear is Robert’s happy moans, the faint noise of the pub and his own frantic, needy whimper when Rob’s hand sneaks under the hem of his shirt and pops open the button on his jeans. 

 

The door swings open and someone makes a surprised sound and Aaron’s bubble of desire is burst. The person leaves the way they came, Aaron doesn’t even know who it was but it’s enough to make them both realize where they are. 

 

Robert doesn’t move though and Aaron opens his eyes. Their forehead touch and Aaron breathes Robert in, that familiar yet different scent and he is happier than he’s been in weeks. He’s missed Robert so much. 

 

Robert removes his hand from Aaron’s pants, fixes Aaron’s button and shirt without moving away. It’s like he can’t make himself leave Aaron.

 

Aaron takes the lead, wanting to be anywhere but there when whoever found them come back, and pulls Robert around the hallway and into the back room.

 

He needs some answer.

 

\-- --

 

Robert’s legs are weak and he holds onto the back of the armchair, catches his breath and leans down slightly.

 

He hadn’t meant to kiss Aaron. He’s been doing so well keeping his distance even if it’s killing him. Aaron closes the door, the soft click of it echoing in Robert’s head and he freezes when he looks at the table on the side of the room, some strange sensation taking over his mind for a moment.

 

“You want to tell me why you’ve been avoiding me, then?” 

 

Robert’s got no option but the truth or at least his part of the truth. Chas was protecting her son and Robert knows that she had every right to. “Because I want you so much it hurts every single time you’re near me.” 

 

It comes out in a jumbled sentence, almost too quiet to hear but he’s not done. “I know -- you loved me once, didn’t you?” He glances back to see the stricken look on Aaron’s face. “I broke that I think and I just -- I love you, Aaron, okay? I know you don’t think I do or you think it’s something else but I do and I just -- I love you and I can’t see you suffer. I can’t do that to you.” 

 

Aaron’s eyes brim with tears and he rubs at them. “Why would you think I’d --” The words are familiar and Aaron’s so angry he can’t even think straight. “What did she say to you?”

 

Robert takes a step closer to him, manages to grab hold of Aaron’s elbow and steadies him, makes him look his way. “Nothing that I hadn’t already thought myself.” 

 

Aaron surprises them both by grabbing Robert’s wrist and pulling until Robert stumbles against him. He leans up and kisses Robert softly, lets the moment hang between them. He hugs Robert and Robert’s helpless to it all when Aaron involved. He holds on tightly. .

 

Robert’s entire world shifts and rights itself because this was where he belongs and nothing he does will change that. He’s too selfish he knows to stay away for long. 

 

“I was counting on you to help me here, Aaron.”

 

Aaron doesn’t move from Robert’s arm. “Fat chance, you idiot, because I love you.” 

 

Robert feels the tears burning in his eyes and laughs softly against Aaron’s head. 

 

\-- --

 

Aaron’s on the warpath and when he finds his mother he is going to unleash every bit of anger he has on her. He’s spent weeks telling himself that he’s been right. That this Robert only loves the Aaron in his head. 

 

Robert was also one of his best mates and someone that Aaron needs in his life so he was willing to accept Robert’s feelings for him. Or the lack of them. 

 

But Robert loves him. At least a part of him, the one that he’d use to create his dream world and that’s something. That’s a beginning and after everything that’s all Aaron wants: a start. 

 

Paddy rounds the corner as Aaron turns and they knock into one another.. 

 

“Oi. Where’s the fire?” 

 

Aaron steps into Paddy’s space. “Did you know mum told Robert to say away from me?” 

 

Paddy’s guilty expression says it all and Aaron starts to walk around him, stopping only when Paddy grabs his arm. “Aaron, wait. I’m sorry. I told her not to do it but she really believes she is helping ya.” 

 

“She’s not though, is she? And it’s -- how could she use what happened with Jackson like that?” 

 

“I know and I agree with you, Aaron. It wasn’t okay. But you have to remember she loves you and just wants what’s best.” 

 

“Robert is what’s best for me, Paddy! I know that you and Mum don’t care for him. But I love him. I have and will love him until I stop existing.” Aaron’s thoughts are spilling out before he can stop them, making his own realization at how much he loves Robert a concrete reality. 

 

“He’s not for you but he’s definitely for me.” 

 

He can deal with his mother later. He needs to be alone, his feelings are overwhelming him and he turns away from Paddy, runs across the street. 

 

Paddy’s calling out his name, following him and Aaron glances behind to tell Paddy to leave him alone when he catches sight of the car taking the corner too quickly and Paddy’s not noticing. 

 

“Paddy, look out!” 

 

Tires squeal as the car hits its brakes but not before pummeling Paddy and sending him flying onto the pavement.

 

Aaron heart drops as he runs to his dad.

 

\-- --

  
Robert runs through the village, dodging people as he goes. Victoria grabs his sleeve but he shakes her off. He sees the emergency service lights up ahead, pushes his feet to go even faster. 

 

Someone said they’re been an accident and Aaron was involved. 

 

He stops in front of the Woolpack and can’t decide where to go. There’s no one in the ambulance, noone to ask. He starts to approach one of the technicians that is leaving the pub when he catches sight of Aaron leaning against the side of the building. 

 

He has his head between his legs and he can’t seem to catch his breath. 

 

Aaron’s having a panic attack. 

 

Robert approaches him calmly, intending on making sure that Aaron sees him before he reaches his side. He doesn’t want to cause him anymore agitation. When he is finally at Aaron’s side, he puts his hand on Aaron’’s back, drawing circles gently and Aaron doesn’t move away. 

 

“It’s okay. Just breathe, Aaron.” 

 

Aaron’s shaking all over and Robert doesn’t stop him. Sometimes Aaron wokes up in a panic, nightmares setting him off and Robert knows that if he doesn’t want to be touched, he’ll curl into himself. Sometimes though he needs that contact and he’ll allow a way to approach him.

 

It takes ten minutes for Aaron to start breathing normally and his shaking to subside enough that it’s only a fine tremor under Robert’s hands. 

 

“Can you talk about it?” 

 

Aaron shakes his head. “It was Paddy. He got -- we were arguing and he was chasing me. There was a car--” 

 

Robert’s eyes widened. “Was he -” 

 

“They said he was fine, Sprained an ankle, maybe his arm needs to be in a sling but he was okay. They wanted to take him to hospital but Paddy said no. I tried to make him.”

 

Robert breathes a sigh of relief. He wants to check on Paddy but Aaron needs him more. “Did you talk to him?”

 

Aaron nods. “He kept telling me it wasn’t my fault.” 

 

“Course it wasn’t,” Robert says, frowning, 

 

“He was chasing me and I was angry at mum for what she’d done.” 

 

Aaron’s leaned back against the wall. Robert stands next to him, pressing their sides together and brings one arm around Aaron’s shoulder. “Aaron, it was an accident. You can’t have known. I’m not gonna let you do this, okay?” 

  
Aaron leans slightly into Robert, takes the comfort he’s giving. 

 

“Look at me.”

 

Aaron does and Robert smiles gently at him. “Accidents happen. None of it was your fault. Understand?” 

 

Aaron nods, his eyes tearing up and Robert curls his hand around him, gathers Aaron closer to his side. They stay that way in silence, Aaron’s head on his shoulder, until the light starts to fade,

 

\-- -- 

 

Aaron’s eyes open slowly, adjusting to the bright light streaming through the windows and he buries his face into the pillow. He breathes the scent of familiar cologne in, smiles against the soft material and shuffles his way out of Robert’s bed. 

 

He’d been exhausted the night before. Even after speaking with Paddy and having Rhona reassure him that he was fine, he’d been too wired and upset to go home. Especially since he’d not been ready to deal with his mother. 

 

Robert had offered a place for him, and anything he needed from him. Aaron knew Robert was what he needed, the safety he made Aaron feel and the comfort he gave him. 

 

He stops to use the upstairs bathroom, noting that Robert hadn’t unpacked much in the few weeks he’d moved in. Washing his face and mouth takes a few minutes and once he was done, Aaron moves silently down the stairs. 

 

He can hear different voices, unable to figure out if it’s the telly or if someone else was in the flat with them.

 

“That’ silly, Uncle Robert.” 

 

“Your face is silly, Junior.” 

 

Aaron snorts at the stupid banter continues down the stair and pauses to watch Robert giving his niece and nephew some breakfast. Aaron’s never really seen Robert this domestic. It suits him. He is smiling, wearing a ridiculous apron and he moves around the space with confidence. There’s no hesitation from Robert, no uncertainty. 

 

He seems almost like his old self. 

 

Except that Robert would never have cooked breakfast for his brother’s kids or seemed so pleased to do so. 

 

“Uncle Robert?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You and Aaron coming to my birthday party?” 

 

Aaron sits on the stairs to watch this scene play out, curious as to why Sarah asked the question and even more so as to how Robert will answer it. 

 

“We been invited?” Robert is wiping food off Jack’s face as he asks, making more of a mess than had been there before. Aaron wants to join and help but he knows whatever is about to happen is important.

 

“You are and Aaron’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” 

 

Robert’s startled enough to freeze but he recovers fast and gives Sarah a smile. “I’d like him to be, yeah.” 

 

“Me too. I like Aaron.” 

 

“So do I.” 

  
Aaron’s face is burning, his stomach tingling with giddiness, his chest constricts with love and he’s about to announce his presence but Sarah isn’t finished. 

 

“It’s going to have a theme.” 

 

“Oh, yeah. You like dress up parties, don’t you?” 

 

“I do!”

 

“I remember you had a mermaid one when you were five. I sent you that mermaid tail.” 

 

“I still own it!” 

 

Aaron blinks as the words Robert said dawn on him. He remembers Sarah’s fifth birthday and what he’d gotten her. That wasn’t something anyone would have told him. That was a real memory. 

 

Aaron is both thrilled and scared what that might mean. 

 

He makes a noise as he gets up and Robert turns his head, smiles widely. “Morning, lazybones.”

 

“Hi, Aaron!” 

 

He fingers waves at Sarah, pulling a face that makes her and Jack laugh. He takes the plate Robert hands him, leans in to kiss his cheek then his mouth for two more quick snogs. 

 

Sarah makes a gagging noise and Robert throws a tea towel at her. “Quiet, you!” 

 

Aaron decided he won’t ask Robert any questions, believes that when he’s ready, Robert will tell him what there might be to know.

 

\-- --

 

Robert drops Aaron off at the scrap yard then heads to Andy and Katie’s. He’d been asked to keep the kids entertained for a couple of hours and Andy’s sent a message telling him he could bring them by. Robert knows that something happened between Ross and Debbie and Pete but he’s not sure what and didn’t ask about it. 

 

Katie opens the door, greets the kids with a hug and kiss, opens the door to let them in. Robert steps inside but he Andy’s nowhere to be found. He turns to look at Katie and thinks it’s time they had a proper chat.

 

“Do you have a minute?” 

 

Katie nods and steers him into the kitchen. Once the kids were settled and she’s poured them both a cuppa, she sits and meets Robert’s stare. She must see something there because she leans back in her chair. “You remember, then?” 

 

Robert’s memories had trickled in over time. There was no sudden recall of his entire life. He’d just woken up one morning and remembered the barn fire and his mother’s death. His dad’s funeral and the awful ending he’d had with Andy and Katie back then. 

 

“Some. Not all.” A part of Robert hopes that he never gets all his memories back. He could spare himself pain and guilt. “I do remember what we were both like leading up to what happened at the barn.” 

 

Katie flushes and nods. “I was relentless.” 

 

“You weren’t wrong.” 

 

“No, I wasn’t. But I wanted to expose you for all the wrong reasons. I held on to this hate for you from when we were kids. It wasn’t exactly fair.” 

 

“No, it wasn’t, but I was no better, was I? I did love you once and --” There was nothing he could say to change his own part in everything so he can’t even try. “Can we just try to -- keep the peace?” They’ll never be friends, it’s not possibly with all that’s passed between them but he wants to build his relationship with his brother and Katie is part of that deal. 

 

“We can, yes.” Katie studies his face. “What’s it like?” 

 

Robert thinks about it, sips from the mug before he speaks. “It’s like there are two lives in my mind. One where I got to keep Aaron. The other where I never let myself. They were both lies.” 

 

Katie nods. “And now?”

 

Robert shrugs and smiles up at her. “There’s only the path that leads to Aaron.” 

 

Katie seems satisfied and she leans back in her chair. “You really do love him, don’t you?” 

 

Robert grins. “I really do.” 

 

\-- --

 

They go on their first official date to the Dingle Christmas party which no pressure or anything. Robert gets on well with Sam which surprises everyone. The day is ruined by Belle’s reveal that Zak and Joanie were having an affair. 

 

They spend Boxing Day together and Diane’s where Bernice and Gabby get into a row that involves Ashley and it completely kills the entire dinner. 

 

Robert swears off anymore do’s from either one of their families ever. 

 

\-- -- 

 

Robert’s super proud when he walks into the flat, stops to hug Aaron and then kisses him thoroughly. 

 

Aaron rolls his eyes but secretly he still gets a thrill that Robert does that now, let’s himself. “It went well, then.”

 

“You are looking at one of the new owners of the soon to be best restaurant in Yorkshire.” 

 

The snorts Aaron gives is muffled by the running water but Robert wraps his hands around Aaron’s waist and kisses his temple. 

 

“You doubting your boyfriend, then?” 

 

Aaron grins down at the water, tilts his head to give Robert access to his neck. Robert finds it particularly tasty. “Nah, since I know he’s only going to be running the money end and Marlon and Vic will be doing the actual cooking.” 

 

Robert tickles Aaron’s stomach, makes him jerk away, laughing. “Cheeky.” 

He steps away, going back to the table where he’d dropped his things. Aaron waits for more commentary but when none comes, he turns the spigot off, wiping his hands on a towel and turns to face Robert.

 

He has something in his hand and is looking shaken, scared. 

 

Aaron tries not to panic. “What’s that?”

 

Robert opens his hand and there’s a key on the center of his palm.

 

Aaron frowns, slightly confused why that was making him -- his eyes widen as he realizes what it is. “Are you --”

 

“Will you move in? I know we haven’t talked about it but I miss you. And it’ can’t be comfortable in my sister’s little room. I know you hate it a little too.” 

 

Aaron had moved out of the pub. He couldn’t live there with his mother. Not when he’d been so mad. There relationship was still frosty at best, mostly from his end, but he couldn’t forgive her yet for using Jackson and his Aaron’s own mental health the way she had. 

 

Robert pleads her case on a weekly basis and Aaron knows that he will forgive her. He misses her like crazy. 

 

All in his own time though. 

 

He turns his hand out, palm up and Robert moves closer, drops the key in Aaron’s hand. “I don’t need convincing, Rob. Besides, most of my stuff is here, isn’t it?” Aaron’s hand closes around it and it sparks a warmth in his stomach. 

 

Robert holds on to his wrist, shifting until they were chest to chest, and leans down to drop a kiss on Aaron’s lips. 

 

It feels like home.

 

\-- --

 

They’re in bed that night when Robert sits up and turns to Aaron who is scrolling through his phone. He stops, taking in the dead serious expression on his boyfriend’s face and sets his phone down. 

 

“Rob, what is it?” 

 

Robert’s eyes close as he says, “I remember. I remember everything.” 

 

Aaron blinks then starts laughing, even more so at the bewildered look on Robert’s face. “I know that you do, you idiot.”

 

Robert looks relieved and then confused. “Why didn’t you ask?” 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Because I didn’t want to have to talk about the horrible way I treated you and how I don’t deserve you. I was afraid you’d leave.”

 

“Because I didn’t want to talk about how I caused your accident and have you realize I’d meant to out you and ruin your life that day. I was afraid you’d leave me.” 

 

Robert blinks at the statement as if the thought never cross his mind. “First, you didn’t cause my accident, babe.” Aaron smiles slightly and Robert knows he isn’t big on it but that had stuck with Robert. He did his best not to drive Aaron crazy with it, “Second, I didn’t give you much choice at the time so I can’t get mad about now, can I?” He kisses Aaron’s temple before he finishes what he wants to say. “Lastly, I will never leave.” 

 

“God, is that a threat, Sugden?” 

 

“I’ll show you a threat, Dingle.”

 

Robert wiggles his eyebrows and Aaron hits him with a pillow, muffling Robert’s laughter.

 

\-- --

 

EPILOGUE

They decide to get married at the Woolpack. Robert had literally dreamed of marrying Aaron there and he’d wanted at least one of his dream memories to be real. The village goes nuts and decide they all want to attend. The room is packed with friends and family. 

 

Chas is sitting next to Paddy, crying softly. This time the tears are of happiness.

 

It had been a terrible, long year for them all. Aaron had spiraled out of control when Gordon had returned to his life. If Robert hadn’t been with him, he doesn’t know what he would have done. It had taken months for him to tell his mom and then Paddy. Robert had supported him through it and when the trail came, he’d held them both together. 

 

The only good thing that had come out of all that was his little sister re-appeared in his life. Liv was one of the brightest spots in his life next to Robert.

 

They’d gone on a holiday to Scotland and Robert proposed on the bluffs. It had all gone wrong: they’d gotten lost, fought off some locals and were in the midst of a row when Robert’d thrown the ring box at Aaron. He’d deflected and it gone flying through the air into a nearby field.

 

Three hours later and two long conversations, Aaron found the ring and asked properly. They’d both said yes. 

 

The ceremony is short and to the point. They just want to be married, to be bound in that way to each other. Robert gives a soppy speech. Aaron pretends it doesn’t make him cry.

 

Aaron smiles at the memories, warm and tingly from the drinks, all of the love and happiness. He sits on the bench outside, needing air, to process that he has a husband. If someone had told him three years ago that he would have ended up here, Aaron might have punched them. 

 

“Oi! You seen my husband?” 

 

Aaron’s laughs, reaches his hand out to Robert and like always, Robert’s reaching back for his. He pulls Robert down to sit next to him. 

“I think we need to cut you off.”

 

“Don’t you start henpecking me already, Sugden.”

 

Aaron laughs. “Get stuffed, Dingle.” 

 

Robert’s cheeks are rosy from the heat and alcohol but his eyes are clear and focused when he meet Aaron’s stare. 

 

“I love you, you know? Always did.”

 

Aaron leans in to kiss his husband, pauses for one moment before he does. 

 

“I know.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
